


Fleurs du Mal

by agent37 (kaivevo)



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eventual Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, I promise, M/M, Terminal Illnesses, Unrequited Love, awkward attempts at teenage romance, eventual Kuzuryuu/Souda/Komaeda friendship, heavy on the canon light on the divergence, thanks for that dr 2.5
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-07-24 21:06:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16183202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaivevo/pseuds/agent37
Summary: Nagito Komaeda had long ago accepted the fact that requited love was something he could never have. He didn’t even long for it, really; he loved truly and deeply, and he didn’t care whether or not it was returned. He loved everyone on the island, and everyone else who had the talent to create a hope powerful enough overcome all despair. That was enough to sustain him.Apparently, however, his body had decided one of those loves in particular was one that he needed to be returned. It had decided that it was either that or death.Just his luck.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> idk i blacked out and somehow wrote 10k words of komahina so here we are
> 
> a few things:  
> \- the way hanahaki disease works in this fic is that it knows if the person you love doesn't love you back. like i see a lot of hanahaki fics where the person just incorrectly thinks their love is unrequited and that's why they get it but no. in this fic the disease KNOWS. they're in a virtual world it doesn't have to make sense  
> \- there are five ways of getting rid of the disease: the person loves you back, you stop loving them, you get it surgically removed, they die, or you die  
> \- the beginning of the fic takes place shortly after the second trial and the story as a whole is going to be mostly compliant with canon events  
> \- i already have about three and a half chapters written so updates will be pretty regular... hopefully on a weekly schedule but we'll see
> 
> ok i think that's all i have to say ENJOY!!

It wasn’t triggered by anything in particular. It was a reasonably normal morning; as normal as a morning after convicting a classmate of murder and condemning them to death _could_ be, anyway. Monomi had come to inform them that she’d opened up a new island to them, as she had before, and they’d split up to search the new area thoroughly. It was all becoming an unsettling routine at this point.

It started as nothing more than an irritation in the back of his throat. He immediately attributed it to the dusty, stale air in the long-abandoned movie theater, and pulled his shirt up to cover his mouth and nose. It persisted, though, and no amount of clearing his throat could make it go away. He coughed into his hand, wincing as his chest tightened uncomfortably.

He slowly lowered his hand. Sitting on his palm was a single flower petal. After staring at it blankly for a few moments, he laughed so hard he coughed up two more.

“Yippee! Looks like we have our next motive!” Monokuma announced excitedly, popping up out of nowhere as he often did. “I can’t believe that actually came in handy.”

“Hm?” Nagito asked, still staring at his hand distractedly. The petals were a deep purple.

“It’s a backup motive I implemented just in case, but I gotta say, I didn’t _actually_ expect any of you to fall in love in a situation like this,” Monokuma continued joyfully. “And not only that, but intense, passionate, _unrequited_ love! This’ll do wonders for the ratings.”

Nagito raised an eyebrow, glancing sideways at the ever-present security camera staring him down.

Monokuma snickered. “That was a joke! What kind of monster would stream a killing game live on television? Puhuhu,” he said darkly. “Anyway, are you going to deliver the motive, or shall I? I’ll give you the choice, out of the kindness of my heart. Since you’re slowly dying and all.”

Nagito’s head was spinning. “Ah…” he said, crushing his hand into a fist and stuffing the petals into his jacket pocket. “Wouldn’t it be better not to tell anyone just yet?”

Monokuma sighed dramatically. “Better for you maybe. But what’s the point of a motive if no one knows about it?” he pointed out. “Well, I guess that’s your answer then. See you, lover boy!”

“Wait,” Nagito said before the bear had a chance to disappear, trying not to seem overeager. Monokuma paused. “I think that keeping it a secret might make it even more effective. After all, it’s a slow-acting disease, right? The sooner they find out, the longer that person has to fall in love with me and save my life. It would be a shame to put such a lovely motive to waste, don’t you think?”

“That _would_ be anticlimactic,” Monokuma agreed thoughtfully. “Luckily for me, _you’re_ the one who contracted the disease! The odds of someone falling in love with _you_ are nothing for me to break a sweat over.”

Nagito laughed loudly. “Haha, yes, I agree!” he said cheerfully. “Which brings me to my next point! I might be planning to kill _them_ , you know. Like you said, the chances of them falling for useless garbage like me are less than none, so the only way to save myself would be to get rid of them, right? But if you announce the motive, they’ll probably all expect that from me, and be on their guard. They’d probably even chain me up again! You wouldn’t want to _discourage_ a potential murder, would you?”

Monokuma paused in thought for a long time, facing away from Nagito and standing so still the boy thought he may have malfunctioned. Finally, he spun back around. “You’ve convinced me!” he announced brightly. “Fine, I won’t tell them for now. It’s not like you’ll be able to hide it for very long, anyway.”

“Yes, that’s true,” Nagito said thoughtfully. “Well, I’m positive good luck will come out of this, so don’t worry.” Monokuma waved him off.

“You better not disappoint me! You’re dying, after all, so you better make sure you go out with a BANG!” Monokuma said, before disappearing before his eyes.

Nagito stood alone in the theater for a long time, deep in thought. It wasn’t until the evening announcement rang throughout the empty building that he snapped out of it and walked back to his cottage alone, his fingers brushing thoughtfully over the petals in his pocket as he walked.

\--

 _Hanahaki Disease_.

He’d heard of it before, obviously. It was rare, so rare that many even thought that it was nothing more than an urban legend. Nagito had never thought much about it, and he’d certainly never considered the possibility that he’d _contract_ it. After all, he’d long ago accepted the fact that requited love was something he could never have. He didn’t even long for it, really; he loved truly and deeply, and he didn’t care whether or not it was returned. He loved everyone on the island, and everyone else who had the talent to create a hope powerful enough overcome all despair. That was enough to sustain him.

Apparently, however, his body had decided one of those loves in particular was one that he _needed_ to be returned. It had decided that it was either that or death.

Nagito clutched at his hair in frustration. Where was the hope in that? Slowly dying a painful, pitiful death, all because he still subconsciously believed that useless trash like himself deserved to be loved. A death like that wouldn’t move anyone forward. It would just be a pathetic waste.

What horrible luck. Well, all that meant was that there was good luck waiting for him on the horizon.

He pulled his notebook out from under his bed and quickly scribbled down the names of everyone on the island, sans Togami, Hanamura, Koizumi, and Pekoyama. He immediately crossed out Sonia, Nanami, Mioda, Tsumiki, and Souda without a second thought.

That left him with seven options. Nidai and Owari were both strong contenders, due to their physical prowess, but he didn’t think either of them had the mental capacity to carry out a plan as complex as this one would have to be. He crossed them off. Saionji certainly had the necessary malice to commit murder, but she was a terrible liar, and her attitude would make her difficult to convince in the first place. Cross. Tanaka was too unpredictable. Cross. Kuzuryuu was still hospitalized. Cross.

He stared down at the page. There was only one name left, glaring at him like a taunt.

He sighed deeply. Maybe his problem all along was that he’d been putting too much effort into convincing Hajime, and not enough into other possible candidates. He wasn’t sure _why_ , exactly. Maybe it was because out of everyone, he was the only one who seemed to at least _try_ to genuinely hear what Nagito had to say. Usually their conversations ended with him getting irritated and storming off, sure, but… it was like he was trying to understand. Nagito wasn’t used to that.

Maybe he just wanted to die by Hajime’s hand.

He scribbled out the last name with a bit more force than necessary, going back through the list again, this time with lower standards. 

He made his decision and headed to the hospital.

—

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Nagito smiled brightly. “Not at all, Kuzuryuu-kun! I’m completely serious!” he said enthusiastically. “Don’t worry, you can leave all the planning to me, you’ll hardly have to do anything! Besides the killing me part, of course. But it wouldn’t be your first time, so does that really matter?”

Fuyuhiko glowered at him. “Get the hell away from me,” he muttered. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m fucking holed up in a hospital bed at the moment. I’m not in the position to be killing anyone even if I _did_ want to.”

Nagito’s eyes brightened. “But that’s what makes it so perfect!” he explained. “No one would ever suspect you because of your condition! Don’t you see, it’s _because_ of your situation that I need your help, in order to create the strongest, most powerful hope imaginable—”

“I’m gonna stop you right there,” Fuyuhiko interrupted darkly. “No. Now fuck off.”

Nagito sighed, kicking at the tiles beneath his feet dejectedly. “What a shame,” he muttered. “And to think, Pekoyama-san gave her life to free you from this island, and you won’t even take advantage of this second chance she’s given you…”

Fuyuhiko sat up abruptly, his eyes burning. “Shut the fuck up, you bastard. If you ever say her name again, I’ll fucking kill y—” he stopped abruptly, wincing as Nagito’s face lit up. “I’ll break every bone in your body. Now _go away_. Jesus, I don’t know how Hinata puts up with you for more than five minutes at a time.”

At those words, Nagito almost immediately felt a tightening in his chest and an itch at the back of his throat. He coughed violently, nearly keeling over as he did so, and grabbed onto the wall as he stared down at the five or six purple petals in his hand dizzily.

Fuyuhiko stared at him with wide eyes. “What the hell…?” he muttered.

Nagito grimaced, before shoving his hand in his pocket and laughing jovially. “Sorry for showing you something so unsightly! I’ll be going now!” he said with an enthusiastic wave.

“Hey, hold on, you bastard,” Fuyuhiko said, his tone low and serious. Nagito paused. “How long have you had fucking hanahaki?”

Nagito was quiet for several beats. “Hanahaki? Ahaha, you mean that fictional disease?” he asked casually. “I just have a bit of a cold, no need to waste your energy worrying about someone as worthless as me!”

Fuyuhiko glared at him. “Shut up, dumbass, I just watched you cough up fucking flower petals,” he snapped. “And I know for a fact it’s not fictional.”

That peaked Nagito’s interest. “Oh? How so?”

“Because I had it too,” Fuyuhiko said bluntly.

Nagito paused for a long time, allowing that information to slowly process. “Pekoyama-san?” he finally replied curiously.

Fuyuhiko grimaced, glaring down at his hands. “When I woke up on this island, it was gone. My lungs were clear for the first time in months. I know I couldn’t have gotten the surgery, because I still…” he said, trailing off and squeezing his eyes shut. He cursed under his breath. “I’m alive, so that only leaves one other option. And I don’t even fucking remember it. I’ll never forgive whoever’s behind this shit.”

Nagito was quiet. “How utterly hopeless,” he muttered under his breath. He was annoyed. Everything about this disease was ridiculously, completely hopeless. Fuyuhiko glanced at him, his expression notably less aggressive than before.

“Who is it?” he asked. Nagito laughed.

“That’s a secret I plan on taking to my grave, Kuzuryuu-kun,” he replied simply.

“The hell do you mean? It’s not like anyone on this island can perform surgery, you only really have one option here,” Fuyuhiko pointed out. Nagito felt a light bulb go off, and he smiled widely.

“That’s right!” he agreed. “I only have one option. I’m going to die from this disease, and it won’t be of benefit to anyone. But if you kill me, it’ll mean something, either for you or everyone else. Don’t you think that’s a better scenario?”

Fuyuhiko stared at him for a long time, his expression somewhere between concerned and thoroughly disturbed. “Hey… hold on a sec,” he said, holding his head in his hand like he was trying to process the information. “You’re joking, right? You’re just gonna give up and die without even trying?”

“Trying?” Nagito asked blankly.

“Yes, dumbass!” Fuyuhiko snapped. “I obviously mean that you should at least _try_ to get whoever you’re in love with to love you back before you just kick the bucket!”

Nagito stared at him for a few beats, before chuckling darkly under his breath. “That’s impossible,” he said seriously. Fuyuhiko shuffled awkwardly.

“Oh, come on, I mean… yeah, you’re fucking crazy and weird as hell, but I wouldn’t say it’s _impossible_ …”

Nagito smiled. “My undesirable nature aside, it’s impossible,” he clarified cheerfully. “Anyway, just think seriously about my offer, okay? I’m looking forward to working with you Kuzuryuu-kun!”

Fuyuhiko sighed irritably and rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Get out of here,” he said, waving him off. He paused. “And change your fucking attitude. I’m not just gonna stand by and let you give up and die like a coward.”

“Haha, noted,” Nagito said without a hint of concern, waving over his shoulder as he took his leave. He discarded the flower petals into the garbage can on his way out.

—

He and Hajime Hinata were not friends.

Nagito knew, if Hajime were asked, he would agree with that sentiment. Not that Nagito minded. He was used to this, people not understanding him and being repulsed by him as a result. It didn’t matter, in the end, his pursuit of hope was too important to give up even if it meant being alone. That was something he’d figured out a long time ago.

It was a bit of a shame, though. He figured if anyone would be able to understand him eventually, it would be Hajime. Or maybe, rather, that’s what he’d _hoped_ for. There was something about Hajime Hinata that he was particularly fond of, more so than the obvious fondness he generally felt for all of his talented classmates. He was… special. Nagito couldn’t really explain why, but that was how he felt.

They weren’t friends, though. However, that didn’t stop Hajime from spending time with him. Nagito found it overwhelmingly confusing when the other boy would often ask him to hang out with no clear ulterior motive. They would just walk around together and converse pointlessly, and even though Hajime was quick to get irritated or distressed over the things Nagito had to say, he would always listen. Nagito thought it was fair that Hajime didn’t understand him, because the reverse was also true. He didn’t get Hajime Hinata at all.

“You’re being weird lately,” Hajime pointed out as he sat with his back against a bookshelf, watching Nagito slowly disappear behind the pile of books he was surrounding himself with. “Are you up to something?”

Nagito chuckled under his breath, dragging his finger down the table of contents of the book in his lap. “Always, Hinata-kun,” he said simply. “I can’t say I know what you mean, though. I’ve been acting the same as usual.”

Hajime shook his head. “You haven’t been following me around and trying to convince me to kill you,” he said dryly. “And you’ve been… I don’t know, quieter. Like you’re hiding something.”

“Wow, you must pay a lot of attention to me!” Nagito replied brightly. “I didn’t realize you would miss me trying to convince you to kill me so much, Hinata-kun, my apologies. But you know the offer is always on the table!”

Hajime sighed deeply. “I _have_ to pay attention to you,” he said tiredly. “You don’t give me much of a choice.” Nagito laughed.

“Well if you got rid of me, you wouldn’t have that burden anymore,” he suggested brightly. Hajime scowled.

“…Forget it,” he said tiredly. He rested his head on his hand and eyed Nagito’s stack of books. “What are you looking for, anyway?”

Nagito hesitated, before reaching into his pocket and laying a purple petal down on the floor between them. “I’m trying to identify what kind of flower this belongs to,” he said. He paused. “I was walking and it blew into my hair.”

Hajime gave him a look of disbelief. “Are you _that_ bored?” he asked. Nagito chuckled.

“When you have luck like mine, everything has meaning,” he explained. Hajime didn’t look convinced, but regardless, he grabbed one of the botany books in the pile and began flipping through.

They read in silence for the better part of an hour, before Hajime suddenly laid down a book in front of him and placed the petal on the page for comparison. “This has gotta be it, right?” he asked. “It’s got the same heart-shaped petals.”

Nagito glanced scrutinized the picture carefully. “Hm… maybe,” he agreed with a nod. “What does it say?”

Hajime picked the book back up and ran his finger down the page. “Morning glory,” he read. “Apparently it means… unrequited love, mortality of life, or love in vain.”

Nagito was quiet for several beats, before snorting with laughter. “Ah, I see,” he said. “Yeah, that’s probably it.” Hajime rubbed the back of his neck.

“That’s… depressing,” he said. “Well, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. With the situation we’re in, I doubt you’re gonna have to worry about relationship issues.”

Nagito chuckled. “One would think,” he said.

—

Fuyuhiko was back on his feet much sooner than Mikan’s medical advice suggested, much to Nagito’s disappointment. Well, there went the opportunity to use his condition to their advantage. What terrible luck. 

The morning of his return, Fuyuhiko took the seat across from him at breakfast without a word. Nagito glanced over at the variety of other open seats along the table. “Did you need something, Kuzuryuu-kun?” he asked, absentmindedly mutilating his sausage with his butter knife. Fuyuhiko kicked back in his seat and shrugged.

“I’m just sitting. Am I allowed?” he challenged. Nagito chuckled.

“Of course. I’m afraid I’m not much good for conversation, though.”

“Hm. You seemed to have a lot to say when you were visiting me at the hospital,” Fuyuhiko pointed out, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl and peeling it casually. 

Nagito hummed. “On that note, I see you’ve decided to reject my offer,” he said sadly. “That’s a shame, Kuzuryuu-kun. I think we could’ve worked well together.”

Fuyuhiko rolled his eyes. “That’s right, so can you stop with that shit now?” he grumbled. Nagito laughed brightly.

“Of course not! I’ll just have to convince someone else,” he said confidently. “Hope will prevail in the end, no matter what. I know it.”

Fuyuhiko took a bite of his banana and deadpanned at him. “Right. Good luck with that,” he said. He paused, before pushing the bowl of applesauce he’d had along with his plate toward Nagito. “I know you feel like shit and eating seems repulsive right now, but soft food goes down easier. Not eating just makes it worse.”

Nagito blinked at him, but Fuyuhiko finished his banana and left before he had a chance to respond. It was true, food had become incredibly unappealing lately due to the constant, nauseating pressure in his chest and throat. He supposed Fuyuhiko would know that from experience.

Around lunch time, Fuyuhiko approached him for the second time that day, suddenly appearing and falling into step beside him as he made his way toward the library. Nagito narrowed his eyes.

“Hello again, Kuzuryuu-kun!” he said brightly, despite the irritation he was feeling. “Don’t tell me… could it be that you’re reconsidering?”

“What? Shut up,” Fuyuhiko replied with a roll of his… eye. “I just happen to be walking this way too.”

How annoying. He knew exactly what this was about, and he was beginning to greatly regret telling Fuyuhiko about his condition. Not that he’d done so intentionally. Still, he should count himself lucky that someone like Fuyuhiko would even bother being in the presence of someone like him, so he stayed silent.

“So, how far along is it?” 

“Hm?”

“You know what I mean, dumbass. The hanahaki.”

Nagito sighed deeply. “It’s been about a week,” he said with a shrug. Fuyuhiko nodded thoughtfully.

“Good, you still got plenty of time then,” he said. “The sooner the better, though, once the fevers start it’s hell on earth. Not to mention breathing just gets harder and harder, and you’re gonna be puking up flowers every ten minutes…”

Nagito grimaced. He didn’t want to hear this. “I appreciate the concern, Kuzuryuu-kun!” he said. “You’re right, the sooner I get someone to kill me the better.” Fuyuhiko glowered at him.

“ _No_ , asshole, I meant—”

“I know what you meant,” Nagito said coldly, his demeanor changing entirely. “But it’s funny, I thought I already told you curing the disease was impossible? Haha, my memory must be failing me!”

Fuyuhiko suddenly moved to step in front of him, his face twisted into a scowl. Nagito came to an abrupt stop. “Stop fucking brushing this off like it’s nothing, you bastard,” he growled. “I’ve been through it too, remember? I know how fucking awful it is. As if being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back doesn’t suck enough, suddenly you start _dying_ from it… it’s such bullshit.”

Nagito chuckled under his breath. “Well, it’s my fault in the first place,” he said. “Only someone as useless as me would fall in love, knowing full well that no one could ever—”

“That’s _enough_ of that self-degrading crap. You’re starting to piss me off,” Fuyuhiko snapped, cutting him off. “Listen up. I’m going to figure out who you’re in love with and get them to love you back even if I have to threaten them into it. Got it?”

It was rare for Nagito to be taken off guard, but he admittedly faltered at those words. He was quick to recover, however, and he laughed lightheartedly. “I’m afraid I can’t allow you to waste your time and energy on something so pointless,” he said. “After all, you should be using your talent to create hope, not—“

“Anyway, if you’re not gonna tell me who it is, I’m gonna have to guess,” Fuyuhiko mused, cutting Nagito off once again. “It’s probably not Saionji or Mioda, right? Sonia and Tsumiki are super hot, but probably not your type… Nanami, maybe?”

Nagito stared at him with the flattest, most unamused look he could muster. Fuyuhiko stared back, unyielding and equally expressionless. They remained like that for several moments, until Fuyuhiko finally blushed and looked away, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “It’s not a girl, is it,” he said, more statement than question. Nagito remained silent. “Yeah, I kind of suspected, but I didn’t want to just assume…”

Nagito began seriously considering changing his plans, and murdering Fuyuhiko instead of the other way around. Sure, an Ultimate would be a much greater sacrifice than a useless waste of space like himself, but it would do the job of instilling hope in everyone either way, right? The only problem was that he would immediately be on the top of everyone’s suspect list. He would have to do a good job at framing someone…

“It’s you,” Nagito finally replied, snapping himself out of his thoughts. “I’m in love with you. Now that you know, are you going to make yourself fall in love with me? Would you be able to do that?”

Fuyuhiko blinked, before grimacing. “You’re fucking with me,” he said flatly. Nagito shrugged, and Fuyuhiko sighed deeply. “If you were serious, though… I guess I’d have to try.”

Nagito paused, before laughing loudly. “It seems the scary yakuza who was capable of killing everyone on this island really was an act,” he mused. “To think that someone like you would force yourself to care about someone as disgusting as me just to save my life, my heart is fluttering just thinking of it! Be careful, I might really fall in love with you!”

Fuyuhiko frowned and stopped his interrogation, clearly realizing this line of questioning was going nowhere. After a few moments, he glanced over at Nagito with a deeply serious expression. “Do you really wanna die that badly?”

Nagito had to take a moment to consider his answer to that. He certainly didn’t see much value in living, but _wanting_ to die was a bit of a stretch. He just… “I just want to give people hope,” he concluded simply. “But let me make one thing clear, I don’t want to die from this disease. I refuse to, in fact.”

“So you’d rather be murdered?”

“That’s right! Now you’re getting it.”

Fuyuhiko grimaced and shook his head. “You’re pretty fucked up, you know that?” he muttered. Nagito laughed.

“No, no one's ever told me that before,” he replied brightly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fast update so we can get the ball rolling!! i’m really gonna aim for weekly after this tho so expect updates on sundays from now on :D

Kazuichi Souda wasn’t exactly known for his deduction skills, but despite what some might believe, he noticed things. Especially in situations where _not_ noticing things could get him killed, because he really, _really_ didn’t want to die. Unfortunately for him and everyone else, this was definitely one of those situations.

That being said, it set off about 100 different alarms in his head when he noticed the batshit crazy almost-murderer and the asshole crime syndicate leader spending an unusual amount of time together.

He tried not to be overly suspicious, he really did. Trusting each other was important, and he’d just recently let his guard down and convinced himself that Monokuma was totally lying about the whole “traitor” thing. Fuyuhiko’s apology had seemed genuine, and he wanted to believe it was, but…

There were currently two people on this island who had attempted to murder someone in the past, and now they were suddenly buddy-buddy with each other. There was no way he could ignore that.

It occurred to him that his paranoia might have reached extreme levels when he started following them around, but his life was at stake here, dammit. He always kept his distance, never close enough to hear their conversations, just enough so that he could tell if they were doing anything suspicious. 

Which, they weren’t. Ever. In fact, all they ever really seemed to do was sit around and talk. Okay, so maybe it was possible that they just became friends? The very thought of befriending Komaeda was unfathomable, but well, Fuyuhiko was kind of weird, too. He guessed if anyone was gonna get along with the resident freak, it would be the guy who slit his own stomach open.

One night, a few days after the start of his snooping, there was a harsh knock on his door. He opened it hesitantly, keeping the deadbolt on but sticking his head through the crack.

“Let me in,” Fuyuhiko said shortly, his arms crossed and his expression as intimidating as ever. Kazuichi hesitated for several beats, until he finally gave into the other boy’s glare and opened the door.

“Hey, man!” he said with a grin, trying hard to hide how cautious he was. “What’s up?”

“Why have you been following me?” he asked, straight to the point. Kazuichi swallowed and chuckled nervously.

“Wh-what? Haha, I totally have no idea what you’re talking about! What reason would I even have to—”

“Relax. It’s fine,” Fuyuhiko cut him off with a shrug. “If I saw you hanging out around Komaeda I’d do the same thing. You don’t have to worry though.”

Kazuichi blinked. Wow, this guy really had changed. “Oh. Um, cool,” he said hesitantly. “So you guys really are just buddies then?”

Fuyuhiko glowered. “Hell no! You really think I’d be friends with that guy?” he said coldly. He paused, rubbing the back of his neck. “Anyway, I’m here because I need a favor.”

“Uh… okay?” he said, still half expecting Fuyuhiko to start beating his ass at any moment. “What’s up?”

“You know how there’s a bunch of medical equipment and shit at that hospital?” he asked. “Well, I checked it out, and it’s all a bunch of garbage. None of it works. So I was thinking maybe you could fix it.”

Kazuichi raised an eyebrow, immediately suspicious. “What the hell would you need _that_ for?” he asked. “Haven’t you been seriously injured enough over the past few days?”

Fuyuhiko grimaced. “It’s not for me, dumbass,” he snapped. He rubbed the back of his neck tiredly. “Someone on this island… needs a medical procedure done. And I think that if we had the right stuff, Tsumiki might be able to pull it off.”

“…Dude,” Kazuichi said flatly. “You can’t just say something like that and expect me not to ask questions.”

Fuyuhiko sighed. “Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s really not my place to tell you this, but I guess I don’t have a choice.” He looked around, as if to make sure no one was hiding out in Kazuichi’s room and listening to their conversation, before stepping forward and lowering his voice. “Komaeda has hanahaki.”

Kazuichi stared at him blankly for several beats. “The fuck is that?” he asked. Fuyuhiko groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Are you an idiot?” he muttered. He sighed deeply. “It’s a disease where a fucking flower grows in your chest and strangles you to death.” Kazuichi’s eyes widened.

“What the…?” he said, trying to process a million thoughts at once. “Wait, hold on, isn’t that the shit you get when you’re in love with someone? Why the hell does Komaeda have _that_?”

“Because he’s in love with someone,” Fuyuhiko responded flatly.

Kazuichi almost laughed. The thought of that guy being in love was equal parts unbelievable and distressing. “You gotta be kidding me,” he muttered. “ _Who?_ ”

“Dunno, he won’t tell me,” he said with a shrug. “Anyway, you gonna help or not?”

Kazuichi paused in thought. On one hand, he would feel a lot less on edge if Komaeda Nagito were taken out of the picture. That guy had some serious issues, and none of them were safe as long as he was around. But on the other hand, his death would probably result in another class trial, and who knew how the hell that would go. All of their lives would be at risk _again_. He definitely didn’t want that.

Also, as dangerous and terrifying as he was, Kazuichi didn’t necessarily want Komaeda _dead_. And he’d never forgive himself if he just let it happen when he could’ve prevented it.

“Yeah, alright,” he agreed, suddenly very tired. “I can try.”

—

At the piercing sound of the morning announcement, Nagito wearily lifted his head from where it was resting on the rim of his wastebasket. He’d been awake for most of the night choking up flower petals, and he could feel exhaustion deep down to his bones. He tried not to think about the fact that these were just the beginning stages.

If anything, the misery he was currently going through just filled him with more hope. After all, the worse things got, the better the payoff would be in the end. He couldn’t wait to see what wonderful luck was awaiting him! He forced himself up off of the floor and pulled on his hoodie.

On his way to breakfast, he paused briefly in front of Hajime’s cottage. He considered waiting there for him to come out and walking to the restaurant with him, like he’d done several times in the past, but he quickly shook the thought from his mind and kept walking. Nothing good would come of that. It was selfish of him to assume he even deserved to be in Hajime’s presence, anyway.

The moment he pushed open the door to the restaurant, he became extremely aware of two things at once. The first was that someone was crying. The second was that he suddenly felt much, much worse than he had a moment ago.

He nearly collapsed from the sudden fever rushing through him, his skin becoming clammy and his body temperature dropping significantly. He grabbed onto the wall. “What the…” he muttered, his vision blurring. Wasn’t it too soon for him to be dying?

The wailing got louder, and he looked up to see that it was, unexpectedly, Akane. “Waaaah! _He’s_ here, he’s gonna kill us! I’m scared!” she cried. The sound made his head throb, and he felt vaguely like he was going to pass out.

“Please do not kill us, Komaeda Nagito! I’m willing to bargain for my life!” Ibuki said, saluting him. Nagito grimaced and clutched at his head, his face burning under his hand. What the hell was going on?

“Aaaand that’s three for three!” Monokuma said, suddenly materializing beside him. “Congratulations, you guys are the first to be introduced to our next motive! Drumroll pleeeease… the Despair Disease!”

Nagito blinked, trying to gather his thoughts through the haze in his mind. “Motive…?” he asked. “I was under the impression… that you already implemented one of those.”

Monokuma shrugged. “Yeah, but you took too long. I got bored,” he said casually. “Besides, this motive is fun, too! Two is better than one, am I right?”

“So… on top of the disease I _already_ have…”

Monokuma giggled. “That was a complete coincidence,” he said brightly. “I just picked the first three people to walk into this restaurant! Geez, are you sure you’re the Ultimate Lucky Student? At this rate, you might die within the day.”

Nagito laughed weakly, coughing a few flower petals into his hand as he did so. “Luck… I wonder, if this is good or bad…” he muttered, mostly to himself. He could feel the fever threatening to take over not only his body, but his mind too. At this rate he was going to die soon, painfully and hopelessly. But there would be a payout of good luck first. He knew it. There always was.

“Which are you hoping for?” Monokuma asked, his grin sharper and more sinister than usual. Nagito took a shaky breath, and then felt his grasp on reality slip away from him completely.

“Hope?” he said. “I… despise hope. All I want is for everyone to fall into despair.”

Monokuma grinned wider. “Puhuhuhu,” he chuckled. “Glad to hear it.”

—

“Shit. This is really bad, isn’t it?”

Mikan was deep in concentration, a drop of sweat sliding down her temple as she worked fervently on the task in front of her. “H-he’s incredibly unstable… his life is in grave danger,” she said grimly. She wasn’t acting as nervous and clumsy as usual; it was clear that she was in her element here. It was reassuring, but only slightly.

“Why’s he so much worse off than the other two?” Fuyuhiko asked, grimacing and avoiding looking at Nagito’s deathly still body. “Mioda and Owari are being weird as hell, but they’re not on the verge of death.”

Mikan paused and looked away nervously. “W-well… it’s not just the Despair Disease that’s causing this,” she said hesitantly. “U-um… I’m s-sorry but, I’m not sure if I should disclose…”

The answer immediately dawned on him “It’s because he has hanahaki too,” Fuyuhiko cut her off. She jumped in surprise. “Right?”

She hesitated, before nodding. “That’s right. I-it’s still the early stages, from what I could tell, b-but that along with the high fever is causing his body to shut down…” she said, wringing her hands anxiously. Fuyuhiko sighed, running a hand over his closely-shaved hair.

“Actually, about that, there’s something I needed to ask you,” he said seriously. “The way things are looking, the only way that fucking flower is getting out of him is if it’s surgically removed. Can you do it?”

Mikan immediately panicked, hey eyes widening and filling with tears. “I-I’m just a nurse, not a s-surgeon, t-there’s no way I’m qualified to do something like that!” she said. “B-besides, I wouldn’t even have the proper equipment…”

“Yeah, I thought of that,” he said. “I asked Souda to fix up the equipment in the operating room. It should only take him a day or two.”

“E-even so, I’m not—”

“Tsumiki,” Fuyuhiko interrupted, very seriously. “He’s gonna die. I’m not asking you if you’re qualified, I’m asking you if you can do it.”

Mikan swallowed nervously, wringing her hands again and looking anywhere except at Fuyuhiko. “I… I… I’ve studied the procedure,” she said, her voice very soft. “I could probably… perform it… b-but that’s not even a possibility right now! I have to stabilize him first, if I attempted an operation like that while he’s in critical condition, there’s no way he’d survive it!”

“Okay, okay, calm down,” he said with a sigh. “That’s assuming he even survives _this_.”

Mikan paused, before finally looking up at them, a rare look of determination in her eyes. “I will not let Komaeda-kun die,” she said. “I-I know I’m not very useful, but… I can at least do this.”

Fuyuhiko exhaled in relief at those words. It wasn’t that he particularly cared about Komaeda’s well-being, but dying of something like this was just too… depressing. He wouldn’t wish that on anyone, even a sick bastard like Komaeda. “All right. I’ll leave him to you, then.”

Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by the nighttime announcement blaring over the monitors. Fuyuhiko stood up and stretched. “Guess Hinata and I should be heading back now,” he said. “You gonna okay here?”

Mikan nodded firmly. “Please don’t worry and get some rest!” she said. Fuyuhiko nodded, shooting one last glance at Nagito’s pale, sickly face before heading out toward the lobby.

Hajime was sitting upright against the wall, his head lolling down against his chest as he dozed off. Fuyuhiko couldn’t blame him. They’d all had a long couple of days. “Yo. Hinata,” he said, shaking the other boy’s shoulder lightly. He blinked awake instantly, like he’d barely been sleeping in the first place. “It’s time to go back.”

There was a tense energy in the air as they made their way back to the first island. They had no idea what to expect from this situation, after all. What were they going to do if the disease couldn’t be cured? Keep the sick ones quarantined until they died? Stay separated and on-edge forever?

“How’s Komaeda?” Hajime asked, running a hand through his poorly-cut hair. Fuyuhiko sighed.

“Not great,” he admitted. “Tsumiki says he’s still in critical condition. She seemed really determined though… hopefully he’ll pull through.”

Hajime grimaced, his hands clenching into fists. “Dammit,” he muttered. “What if he dies?”

Fuyuhiko shrugged. “Dunno. Best case scenario is there won’t be a trial because none of us killed him, but who the hell knows with that fucking bear,” he said tiredly. He glanced sideways at Hajime. “Tell me honestly. How would you feel if that guy died and none of us had to pay for it? Would you be relieved?”

Hajime took a long pause, as if thinking the question over. “No… I wouldn’t,” he said, his brows furrowed like he was confused by his own answer. “There’s no doubt that Komaeda is dangerous, but… it’s not like he is the way he is because he’s evil. It just seems that way to us because no one really understands what’s going on in his head. I sure as hell don’t.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair again. “It’s not like I like him, but if he died like this, before I ever got the chance to figure him out… it would be a shame.”

Fuyuhiko stared at Hajime. “Huh,” he said. Hajime looked away self-consciously.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked.

“I was just thinking…” he said, mostly to himself. “It would be nice if it were you.”

Hajime looked at him like he was crazy. “Um, if what was me?” he asked. Fuyuhiko just shook his head, approaching his cottage as they finally made it back to the hotel.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said with a wave over his shoulder. “‘Night, Hinata.”

—

Kazuichi leaned back from the machine in front of him, wiping his forehead with the back of his arm and flipping his wrench in his hand. “Alright, that’ll do it!” he said, his voice muffled by the medical mask over his mouth and nose. “We should probably have Mikan check it out first, since I have no idea how any of this shit works, but besides that I think everything’s good to go.”

Fuyuhiko exhaled. That was one less thing he had to worry about. “Thanks, man,” he said seriously. “I really appreciate it, especially since you’re putting yourself at risk by being here.”

Kazuichi shrugged. “Yeah, well, if he wakes up he’s gonna need that surgery as soon as possible, right? I don’t really have a choice,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. Fuyuhiko scowled. That _if_ hadn’t escaped his notice. Kazuichi shook his head, taking off his beanie and running a hand through his unruly hair. “Man… never thought I’d be busting my ass like this for _Komaeda_.” Fuyuhiko snorted.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” he replied.

They were interrupted, suddenly, by the door to the operation room bursting open. It was Mikan, her face flushed with emotion. “I-it’s Komaeda-kun!” she said breathlessly. Fuyuhiko immediately assumed the worst, and he felt his heart sinking as he braced himself for her next words. “He’s regained consciousness!”

Fuyuhiko exhaled deeply and Kazuichi stood up. “For real?!” Kazuichi asked in disbelief. Mikan nodded rapidly.

“Yes… if you two wouldn’t mind, c-could you go keep an eye on him while I get Hinata-kun?” she asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, of course,” Fuyuhiko said, already halfway out the door. He quickly crossed the hall and burst into the patient room anxiously.

Komaeda still looked like absolute shit, but he was awake, which meant he was in a hell of a lot better shape than he had been a few hours ago. He turned to look at them as they entered, the look in his eyes even more deranged than usual. “Kuzuryuu-kun, watch out! I’ve figured out the identity of the traitor. It’s Kazuichi Souda! He’s about to stab you in the back right now!”

Fuyuhiko ignored him completely. “Welcome back,” he said, pulling up a chair. Kazuichi kept his distance, but to his credit, he at least stayed in the room. “Thought you were a goner for a minute there.” Nagito just laughed. The sound was even more unsettling than usual.

“Isn’t he supposed to be cured?” Kazuichi asked, rubbing the back of his neck as Nagito continued to ramble off “evidence” he’d found of Kazuichi’s treachery. “Why’s he still batshit? Well… more batshit than normal.”

Fuyuhiko shrugged. Their conversation was interrupted, suddenly, by a soft choking sound coming from Nagito. Fuyuhiko sighed and stood up. “Cough,” he said, clapping him on the back. Nagito obeyed, keeling over as he regurgitated purple petals all over his lap. Fuyuhiko winced in sympathy as he gagged, a horrible rasping sound coming from his lungs.

“…Damn,” Kazuichi said, clearly startled by the display. “So he really does have that shit.”

“You thought I was joking?” Fuyuhiko asked dryly. He grabbed the trash can from beside the bed and held it up so Nagito could brush the petals inside. “You good, Komaeda?”

Nagito grimaced. “I’ve never felt better in my life,” he said, his voice hoarse from coughing. Fuyuhiko rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

The door burst open suddenly, and Hajime looked a little frantic as he entered the room. He ran a hand through his bedhead anxiously as he approached Nagito. “Hey,” he said. “Hanging in there?”

Nagito grinned frighteningly. “Nope! Komaeda Nagito is dead. I’m actually Hanamura in disguise!” he said, laughing to himself. Despite his tone, his expression looked almost… nervous? Fuyuhiko casually pushed the trash can full of flowers under the bed with his foot. It seemed like the right thing to do.

“Here, Hinata, take my seat,” Fuyuhiko said, ignoring the look Hajime gave him that said he’d already regretted getting out of bed to rush over here. “Seems like you guys are having a good conversation.”

Hajime sighed, but reluctantly obeyed, leaning his head on his hand as Nagito continued to ramble nonsensically. Fuyuhiko approached where Kazuichi and Mikan were lingering in the back of the room.

“So,” he said. “The surgery.”

Mikan rung her hands nervously. “I-I’m sorry, but… w-would you mind terribly if I got some rest first?” she asked, her voice small. Fuyuhiko blanched.

“No, right, of course,” he said apologetically. “You’ve been up for what, two days straight? Go get some sleep, we’ll talk about it later.” She nodded.

“Don’t worry, I will definitely save Komaeda-kun,” she promised. “I-I’ll be in the on call room upstairs if anything comes up.” She bowed before quickly scurrying from the room. 

Fuyuhiko couldn’t help but feel a little encouraged. Maybe she really _could_ save him. Maybe no one else was going to have to die.

“Kuzuryuu-kun!” Nagito said frantically when Fuyuhiko approached the bed once more. “Hinata-kun is being super annoying, can you make him leave?”

Hinata rolled his eyes. “Because you’re such a joy to talk to,” he said dryly. He held up his hands. “I get it, I’m going. I was just making sure you were actually alive.”

Nagito sighed long-sufferingly. “Go, get out of here, I can’t stand being around you,” he said. “I hate you more than anyone, Hinata-kun.”

Fuyuhiko froze, his gaze meeting Kazuichi’s, who mirrored his expression. Hinata just shrugged Nagito off, oblivious to the obvious tension in the room. “Whatever. I guess I’ll go do the morning report,” he said casually, blinking at Kazuichi as if noticing him for the first time. “Oh. You’re here. Why are you here?”

“Uh. Just… checking up on my buddy Komaeda,” Kazuichi said, clearly trying to organize his thoughts. Hajime raised an eyebrow. “I’ll head back soon, but you should still probably go tell the other guys what’s going on.”

Hajime continued to eye him suspiciously for a few beats, before shrugging. “If you say so,” he said, yawning and rubbing his eyes as he trudged back toward the lobby.

The moment he was out of the room, Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi turned on Nagito. “It’s Hinata!” Kazuichi said, pointing a finger at him accusingly. “Dude, you’re totally into Hinata!”

Nagito coughed. “Haha, don’t be ridiculous. As if I’d ever fall for someone like him,” he said miserably.

“Ha! See, you’re lying! It’s the lying disease!” Kazuichi continued excitedly. He nudged Fuyuhiko. “He has lying disease, so that means I’m totally right! Right?”

Fuyuhiko sighed. “At least you’re more observant that Hinata is,” he said, shaking his head. “What a dumbass.”

“This is awesome! Now that we know, all we gotta do it get Hinata to like him back!” Kazuichi said confidently. “This way we don’t have to go through with the risky surgery. I’m sure Tsumiki’ll be relieved.”

Nagito coughed loudly, more petals spilling past his fingers as he fixed them with a crazed, desperate look. “Yes, Hinata-kun has to fall in love with me! Please, please tell him everything!” he said, his teeth clenched into a grin that looked almost painful. He was grasping the sheets so tightly that Fuyuhiko was surprised they didn’t rip. “As long as it saves me, I don’t care what happens to him!”

Fuyuhiko raised an eyebrow. “Komaeda, what the hell are you talking about?” he asked. Nagito just shook his head and laughed, occasionally choking up petals as he did so. Kazuichi and Fuyuhiko exchanged a glance.

“…What do we do?” Kazuichi asked, notably less enthusiastic than he had been a moment ago. Fuyuhiko sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Wait for Tsumiki to wake up, I guess,” he said with a shrug. “It’s fine, we still have time to go over our options. Nobody’s dying anytime soon.”

—

“I don’t understand… what you’re saying.”

“You don’t understand?” Mikan asked, her voice spine-chilling and unrecognizable. One look into her glazed-over eyes was enough to tell them that they’d lost her completely. The Mikan Tsumiki they’d known was gone. “Is it because you don’t have anyone to love? Is it because you’re also someone who isn’t accepted by anyone? What a pity. I feel sorry for you.”

Nagito flinched, visibly taken aback by her words, and remained silent. Fuyuhiko’s fist clenched at his side.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Kazuichi hissed under his breath, scowling deeply and looking away from the terrifying display Mikan was making of herself.

“Fuck,” Fuyuhiko agreed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> totally forgot i said i’d update this today but i made it with 30 mins to spare ;)
> 
> IMPORTANT NOTE: a majority of this story is going to take place between the third and fifth trials of the game, so the timing is going to diverge a lot from canon. like instead a few days between each trial imagine like... a month. they’re not going anywhere near the funhouse for a while don’t worry

It was getting harder and harder to drag himself to the restaurant each morning. 

He was barely getting any sleep, and his symptoms were becoming more severe by the day. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep hiding it. Everyone must have realized by now that there was something wrong with him, he was sure he looked even more disgusting and sickly than he already did normally. He just wanted to stay in bed all day and desperately hope for sleep.

But he couldn’t. Nothing would be worse than spending the last weeks of his useless existence being even more useless than usual. He would never give in to something so hopeless.

“Hey, Komaeda. Wait up.” He winced at the voice, but fixed a grin on his face before he spun around and waved brightly. Hajime was only a few steps behind him, obviously having just left his cottage himself.

“Good morning, Hinata-kun!” he said brightly. “Did you need something from me?”

Hajime rubbed the back of his neck. “Actually, I just wanted to ask if you were okay,” he said. Nagito stiffened. He felt the familiar feeling of petals crawling toward his throat, but he swallowed them down with a wince.

“You really shouldn’t be wasting your energy on worrying about a worthless waste of space like me,” he said with a laugh. “What would make you think I’m not okay?”

Hajime deadpanned at him. “You’re kidding right?” he asked. “Komaeda, you look awful. And I know it has nothing to do with the Despair Disease because Owari is fine. What’s going on?”

Nagito sighed dramatically. “Fine, you caught me. I’m actually dying of a terminal illness,” he said dejectedly. “I only have a few weeks to live at this rate. Hinata-kun… would you consider putting me out of my misery?”

Nagito was momentarily concerned that Hajime might push him into the pool as they walked past. “That wasn’t funny,” he said tiredly. Nagito chuckled.

“Oh, it wasn’t a joke,” he chirped, but Hajime just ignored him as they continued their walk to the restaurant in silence.

Everyone else was already there when they arrived, including Monomi, who was enthusiastically explaining that she had defeated yet another Monobeast and that they were now free to explore the fourth island. “Guess we should all split up and search again, right?” Akane asked.

“Yes… although we have been continuously disappointed in the past, there is still a chance that we will find a way to escape,” Sonia said confidently. “We must not give up!”

“…Hold up,” Fuyuhiko said suddenly. Everyone turned their attention to him. “Maybe we should pair up, y’know, just to be safe.”

He was met with a confused silence. He elbowed Kazuichi hard in the ribs. “Ow! Oh, uh, yeah,” he agreed, clearly getting the message that he was supposed to go along with this. “Actually… I was kinda thinking the same thing. After what happened with Tsumiki I think we should be more cautious, y’know?”

“No, we can’t start thinking that way. We need to trust each other,” Chiaki pointed out. “This is an RPG with an ensemble cast, so if we don’t maintain our bond, we won’t be able to defeat the final boss.”

Kazuichi sighed. “Right… look, all I’m saying is that Tsumiki said she knew who the traitor was,” he said bluntly. “That means there is one.” The uncomfortable silence deepened.

“Alright, so,” Fuyuhiko said, quickly trying to change the topic. “I’m gonna go with Nanami.” Chiaki just shrugged, going to his side without any further argument. Hajime looked a bit affronted by this decision.

Akane and Nekomaru gravitated toward each other without much thought, as did Sonia and Gundham. “Hey, Hina— ow!” Kazuichi hissed as Fuyuhiko elbowed him once again.

“I think Sonia and Gundham want you to join their group,” he said threateningly. Kazuichi didn’t seem to get the message, but his eyes lit up regardless.

“Miss Sonia said that?” he asked excitedly, before speeding off toward a day of undoubtedly being an unwelcome third wheel.

Which, clearly not coincidentally, left only Nagito and Hajime.

“…I see,” Nagito said under his breath, watching Fuyuhiko leave the restaurant with resentment. Hajime shifted awkwardly.

“Guess it’s you and me, then,” he said, though he didn’t look particularly thrilled about it. “Come on.”

They walked to the fourth island in silence. Nagito grimaced as he felt the constant tightness in his chest become more intense just from the proximity, and he wished not for the first time that Fuyuhiko would stop trying to help.

“So this is an amusement park…” Nagito said curiously as they walked past the roller coaster. “I’ve never been to one before.”

Hajime raised an eyebrow. “Really? Your parents never took you to one as a kid or anything?” he asked. Nagito laughed and looked down at his feet.

“No… they didn’t,” he said vaguely. “It’s probably for the better though, it’s too dangerous. Who knows what would happen if someone like me were to get on one of these rides?”

Hajime frowned. “What does that mean?” he asked. “Does it have to do with that whole bad luck good luck thing you were talking about?”

Nagito chuckled, looking back up at the roller coaster wistfully. “…Say you and I got on that roller coaster right now,” he said. “There’s a good chance it would derail. And if that happened, I would definitely live, but you would probably die.” Hajime grimaced.

“Okay. Sure,” he said flatly. “So then would me dying be the good luck or the bad luck?”

Nagito stopped walking suddenly, his face contorting into a deep frown. Hajime slowed to a stop as well when he realized he was no longer beside him. “Hinata-kun,” he said very seriously. “You dying is… the worst possible luck I can imagine. The resulting good luck would probably be along the lines of finding the cure for cancer or world peace.”

Hajime looked a bit flustered by that declaration. “Uh, I think you’re exaggerating,” he muttered. “But, if you really believe that, then that probably means you want it to happen, right? You’re always saying the good luck outweighs the bad, or whatever.”

Nagito was quiet. For the first time in a very long time, he allowed himself to imagine what things would be like if he didn’t have his luck. He would be able to ride a roller coaster without the very real possibility of someone dying. Maybe he could even reach out and take Hajime’s hand and the world wouldn’t come to an end, maybe he could allow himself to sink into the warm feeling he felt when he looked into his eyes without wondering what terrible thing was going to happen to take that moment away from him. He wondered what it would be like to say he didn’t want the person he was in love with to die without feeling guilty that he was taking something potentially good away from the world.

He coughed violently into his hand, quickly shoving his fist into his pocket before Hajime could see the violet petals. “I don’t know anymore,” he said, feeling very tired suddenly and wishing he could go back to bed. “But, I do know that if possible, I’d like for you to stay alive. Maybe that’s selfish of me to say, but… you’re special, Hinata-kun. It would be a shame to see that hope inside of you that I love so much go out.”

Hajime flushed slightly, looking away. “What are you talking about? Don’t say weird things,” he mumbled. “Come on, let’s keep going.”

—

Kazuichi paused as a horrible wheezing pierced the quiet night air, followed by a soft moan. He recognized the noise immediately, and he glanced up toward the cottages from his spot at the edge of the pool. He wasn’t surprised to see that the window at the back of Nagito’s cottage was wide open.

He sighed, standing up and dusting himself off before making his way to the front of the cottages. He considered going back to his own room and attempting to get at least a few hours of sleep before morning, but he ultimately kept walking, tossing it a longing glance as he passed by.

He couldn’t even justify to himself why he was going to check on Nagito Komaeda at 4am, like he was his mom or something. It was Fuyuhiko’s fault somehow.

Kazuichi rapped his knuckles against the door several times, and he listened as complete silence answered him from the other side. He told himself that if he got no reaction in 30 seconds, he would give himself a pat on the back for making the effort and leave Nagito to his miserable existence. 23 seconds later, Nagito opened the door.

“Oh, he— hoooly shit, dude. You look horrible,” Kazuichi said, wincing at the state of the boy in front of him. He was sickly looking to begin with, but his skin was even paler than usual and covered in a sheen of sweat. His lips were cracked and dry and covered in a smear of blood, and the circles under his eyes were so dark that he looked like a corpse. Shit. This was bad. “Uh, can I come in?”

Nagito tried to force a smile, even through his obvious misery. “I absolutely refuse to subject you to such a disgusting sight,” he said, his voice rasping in a way that sounded horribly painful. “I’m sorry if I kept you awake, Souda-kun, I’ll make sure to smother my face in a pillow from now on to keep the noises down.”

Kazuichi grimaced. “What the hell, don’t do that!” he said. “I was already awake anyway, there’s no way I could’ve heard you all the way from my cottage.”

Nagito stared at him blankly for a few moments, as if assessing him. Then his eyes widened excitedly, and some color even returned to his cheeks. Oh no. “Oh, ohhhh, don’t tell me you’re here to do that?” he asked brightly. He looked around cautiously, before grabbing Kazuichi by the arm and pulling him inside. “Why didn’t you say so, Souda-kun! You made sure no one saw you leave, right? It would be bad if they did, maybe we should discuss the plan now and save it for another night…”

“Hey, Komaeda? It would be really awesome if you’d shut up,” Kazuichi said with a yawn. “I was just taking a walk because I couldn’t sleep, and I heard you trying to throw up your lungs. Have you slept at all?”

The excitement on Komaeda’s face faded as quickly as it had come, and he went to sit on the floor with his back against the bed, pulling the nearby trash can into his lap. “Hm, I think there might have been a few times where I blinked and my eyes stayed closed for almost thirty seconds,” he mused. He choked slightly, retching into the garbage can and spitting out the flower petal remaining in his mouth. “Other than that, no. But don’t worry about me! I probably don’t even deserve something like sleep.”

Kazuichi sighed. “Do you even hear the crap that comes out of your mouth…?” he mumbled to himself. He shook his head, staring at the boy on the floor with an unfortunate pang of sympathy. Nagito’s head was resting against the mattress behind him, his eyes unfocused and partially obscured by the sweaty tendrils of hair sticking to his face as he tried to keep his attention on Kazuichi. The latter grimaced, before moving to climb onto the bed behind him. 

Kazuichi pulled the hair tie out of his own wild, dye-damaged hair, and used it to secure Nagito’s hair back out of his face. He didn’t know much about helping sick people, but he remembered doing this for his little sister a few times when she had the stomach flu. “What are you doing?” Nagito asked weakly. “It must be unpleasant for you to touch me, there’s no need to force yourself…”

“Don’t make it weird,” Kazuichi hissed, moving off the bed to sit on the floor across from Nagito. He eyed him appraisingly. “Hey, you’re not so weird looking when your hair isn’t all crazy. Maybe Hinata might actually fall for you.”

Nagito winced at that, immediately keeling over and choking out several petals into the trash can. “Haha, I see now, you must have come here to see what a pathetic bug like me looks like at the apex of misery,” he said with a weak chuckle. “Feel free to stay as long as you’d like. If it gives you hope to see me like this, I don’t mind.”

“What the hell, dude, why are you making me sound like some kind of monster?” Kazuichi protested. He sighed deeply. “Since we both can’t sleep, I might as well hang out here for a little bit and make sure you don’t bite it. Er… that shit isn’t like, contagious, right?”

Nagito smiled weakly. “Do you love someone, Souda-kun?” he asked.

Kazuichi paused in thought, his mind immediately falling on Sonia. Sweet, beautiful Sonia. He could spend all day just looking at her, probably, and listening to her speak excitedly in that cute accent of hers. He thought of her golden hair and her bright smile and the way her eyes lit up when she talked about one of her adorably weird interests. And then he thought of what was happening to Komaeda, thought of how his feelings for Hinata were so intense that he literally couldn’t live without him, how it was destroying him from the inside.

“…Nah,” he finally replied. “Guess I got nothin’ to worry about.”

Nagito was quiet for a long time, staring at Kazuichi with his unsettling, unfocused gaze. “If you’re really not here to kill me or ridicule me,” he said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. “Then why are you awake at this hour, Souda-kun?”

Kazuichi ran a hand through his unruly hair, tugging his fingers through the knots. “I’ve got insomnia pretty bad. The whole ‘trapped on murder island’ probably doesn’t help,” he explained. “Uh, I guess I kinda have trust issues. I hate to say it, but I can’t help thinking everyone here is my enemy, y’know? And when I’m asleep… I dunno, I feel like I’m vulnerable.” He shrugged. Nagito hummed in acknowledgment.

“You don’t trust anyone… but you trusted me enough to be alone in my room with me at 4:30 in the morning?” he asked. Kazuichi snorted

“Yeah, no. I trust you least of all,” he said bluntly. “But you’re not exactly a threat at the moment.” Nagito laughed weakly.

“There’s no need for you to see me as a threat regardless,” he said, putting his hands out in front of himself defensively. “I don’t have any ill intentions. I just want to see you all overcome despair.”

Kazuichi gaped at him. “You’re kidding, right? Did you forget that whole thing where you tried to kill someone?” he asked in disbelief. “Even now you can’t go ten fucking minutes without begging someone to kill you. You realize that if that happens, at least one other person will die too, right? How the hell is that for our benefit?”

Nagito sighed, shaking his head. “Then let me ask you this. What other choice is there?” he asked, casually. “What would be the better alternative? Staying trapped here forever in this horrible situation, living with the constant fear of being betrayed? Wouldn’t it be better to use the bad luck we’ve been given to inspire hope?”

Kazuichi rubbed the back of his neck. “Look, dude… I know you’re trying to get me to understand, or whatever, but that’s just never gonna happen,” he said. “Sorry.” Nagito waved him off.

“Haha, no worries. I didn’t expect you to,” he said brightly. “But that’s okay! As long as I can use my worthless body to bring even a little bit of hope to everyone, it’s okay if no one ever understands me.”

Kazuichi didn’t know how to respond to that, so he stayed quiet. Instead, he observed Nagito. He hadn’t coughed up petals in a while, and although his skin was still clammy, his cheeks seemed to have regained a little bit of color. It occurred to him that it must be because the topic had strayed away from Hinata. Now that he thought about it, it made sense that Nagito got worse at night when he had nothing to distract him from his thoughts.

Kazuichi winced. Nagito’s own feelings were making him suffer, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. It was pretty fucked up.

“Hey, uh,” he said, already regretting his next words. “You can keep talking about it, if you want. Your whole crazy hope thing. Maybe I’ll start to get it… or whatever.”

Nagito’s eyes widened in shock, and then immediately lit up. “Really?” he asked. He chuckled nervously. “Are you sure? I would probably just bore you…”

“No doubt about that,” Kazuichi agreed, leaning back against the wall behind him. “But it’s not like I got anything better to do.”

Nagito seemed to accept that, and he immediately launched into his rant, his eyes becoming crazed in that way that made Kazuichi want to get as far away from him as possible. He forced himself to just tune him out, keeping his comments to himself and hoping the other boy would eventually tire himself out.

And he did. Kazuichi listened as Nagito’s speech slowed and eventually came to a stop completely, his head lolling back onto the bed behind him and his body going slack. Kazuichi let out a sigh of relief, picking himself up off the floor and stretching before heading toward the door. According to Komaeda’s wall clock, it was 5:30am. He should probably try to squeeze in at least a little bit of sleep before the morning announcement.

He paused with his hand on the doorknob, glancing back at Nagito’s slack body, wincing at the awkward angle of his neck. He sighed long-sufferingly, making his way over to the other boy and heaving him up onto the bed. Nagito didn’t stir, completely still and peaceful-looking in sleep. It wasn’t until Kazuichi had pulled the covers up over him and brushed the loose hairs that had escaped from the hair tie out of his face that it occurrenced to him that he’d just just _tucked Nagito Komaeda in_.

It was definitely Fuyuhiko’s fault somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just some soft bonding moments bc i want to live in a world where someone besides hinata even TRIED to understand komaeda or get to know him sigh... also this fic has lowkey been more about komaeda’s friendship with kuzuryuu and souda than it has been about komahina so far hehe my bad i love them
> 
> i might update a little sooner since this chapter was kinda short but don’t hold me to it


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry the chapter's a little late!! enjoy :D

“Why do I even bother taking the time to play the morning announcement for you if you’re just gonna ignore it?!” a high-pitched voice snapped, stirring Nagito unpleasantly from his sleep. He sat up with a groan, expecting to feel the pain and exhaustion hit him all at once like it usually did. However, he felt noticeably more well-rested and less horrible than usual. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t even remember going to bed the night before. He vaguely recalled talking to Kazuichi, but that was as far as his recollection went. “Up and at ‘em, kid, I have some suuuuper exciting news for you!”

“I think you and I might have different ideas of exciting,” Nagito said lightly. “What is it?”

Monokuma giggled, and Komaeda felt a sense of dread fall over him despite himself. He knew that whatever was coming wasn’t going to be good. “Well you seeeee, I’m getting bored again. You’re wasting my precious motive, you know that? The only thing that’s happened since you got your disease is that Kuzuryuu and Souda cozied up to you, which was _not_ what I was going for!” Monokuma said with a huff. “So it looks like I’m gonna have to give everyone _another_ motive if we’re gonna get things going around here. And I came to tell you about it first, because you’re my favorite!”

Nagito just shrugged. A new motive meant a new possibility for hope, so he didn’t really mind. He was well aware that Monokuma’s intention was to pressure him into telling everyone about the Hanahaki, but he had no intention of doing so. If Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi’s reactions were anything to go by, it was more likely that everyone would try to keep him _alive_ after learning that information, immediately ruining all chances of someone finally going along with his plans. “Alright. Is that all?” he asked with a smile. Monokuma grinned, his sharpened teeth glinting in the light.

“Don’t you wanna know what the motive is?” he asked innocently. Nagito opened his mouth to respond, but Monokuma quickly interjected before he could. “I’m going to reveal the traitor! Isn’t that fun? Don’t you wanna know who it is? I’m being nice by giving you this super exclusive advanced screening you know!”

Nagito felt his interest peak at those words, and he gave Monokuma his full attention for the first time. “Ah, really? You’re just going to tell us?” he asked calmly. “Why now?”

“Chapter four just seems like a good time to reveal something like that, don’t you think? Puhuhu,” Monokuma said vaguely. “Go on, go on, ask! I know you wanna!”

Nagito was quiet for several moments, before sighing in defeat. “Who is it?” he asked. Monokuma’s grin became impossibly wider.

“The same person who planted that flower in your chest,” he said darkly. “None other than our resident heartbreaker, Hajime Hinata!”

Nagito felt his breath stop in his throat, his blood turning to ice as he felt a familiar feeling wash over him. It had been so long since he’d allowed it to come to the surface, but he recognized it well. His entire childhood was filled with it, up until the point he finally managed to convince himself that hope would always prevail, that it would always defeat this feeling no matter what. “You’re lying,” he said firmly, trying with all of his might to push the feeling away. He forced out a laugh. “That’s not possible.”

“Hmm? Are you sure?” Monokuma asked. “I mean, it’s not like Hinata himself can even confirm or deny it, you know? Since his memories are gone. So does it really matter if I’m lying if no one can prove otherwise?”

Nagito swallowed. He was right, it didn’t matter whether or not it was true. If Monokuma revealed that Hajime was the traitor, he would never be able to prove otherwise, and there would undeniably be a target painted on his back. Nagito closed his eyes and grimaced, feeling the vines around his lungs tighten painfully.

Logically, this shouldn’t bother him so much. Yes, Hajime dying was the worst possible thing he could imagine, but that was only because of his own selfish feelings that he shouldn’t have had in the first place. Who cared if he loved him? He’d loved his parents too, and everyone else he’d lost because of his luck. But it was okay, because every single time, the unfortunate things that happened to him brought good luck in the end. Losing Hajime would undoubtedly result in amazing hope, just as he’d said at the amusement park.

That feeling was creeping back again, that one he’d tried so hard to fight off for so long. What was wrong with him? He’d spent his whole life convincing himself that everything, no matter how awful, would eventually lead to hope twice as strong. After all that he’d been through, why were things suddenly different now? Why did he feel himself wanting to give up? Why was he even considering sacrificing hope for the life of one person?

He put his hand on his chest, feeling it rise and fall rasping, unsteady breaths. Maybe there was something stronger than hope. He wasn’t sure he was ready to come to grips with that yet.

“Well, I think I’ll go let everyone else know now,” Monokuma said cheerfully, snapping Nagito out of his inner turmoil. “Sayonara!” And just like that, he was gone.

Nagito took a deep breath, before getting out of bed and running toward the door.

He wasn’t naive, he knew what that feeling blooming inside of him was called. It was despair. And he wasn’t going to let it win, not again.

—

“Whaddaya think this is about?” Kazuichi asked nervously as they made their way toward Jabberwock Park, where Monokuma had summoned them moments prior. Fuyuhiko shrugged.

“Hell if I know. Probably some stupid bullshit,” he said, grimacing and looking over his shoulder. “Damn, I haven’t seen Komaeda all morning. …Do you think it’s got something to do with him?”

Kazuichi was quiet for a few beats as Fuyuhiko’s implications sunk in. “N-nah, come on, we wouldn’t be called for a meeting if he was dead or something. We’d get the body discovery announcement like every other time,” he said, though he looked a little distressed. “He’s probably just sleeping. I finally got him to pass out at like, 5am last night.”

Fuyuhiko raised an eyebrow at that. “You what? Did you sing him a lullaby or something?” he asked flatly. Kazuichi flushed and flipped him off.

“Sh-shut up!” he snapped, scowling as Fuyuhiko snorted with laughter. “I only did it because he was keeping me up with his annoying coughing, okay?”

“Uh huh,” Fuyuhiko said with a grin. He sighed, his mood immediately turning somber again as they entered the park. “Here goes.”

Everyone else, sans Komaeda, was already waiting around the timer when they arrived. Monokuma was standing front and center, looking particularly pleased with himself. “Annnd that's everyone! Now I can deliver my super exciting announcement!” the bear said enthusiastically.

Fuyuhiko opened his mouth to protest, but someone else beat him to it. “Komaeda isn’t here,” Hajime pointed out suspiciously. Everyone else looked around to confirm that he was, in fact, the only one missing.

“Puhuhu… don’t worry, we don’t need him for this,” Monokuma said darkly. “We’re actually here to talk about _you_ , Protagonist-kun!”

Hajime flinched. “M-me?” he asked, clearly thrown off by the declaration.

“Yep! After all, you’re the star of our next motive!” the bear explained. “You see, since I have such a kind heart, I’m finally going to reveal to you all…”

“Please, allow me,” a voice suddenly cut him off. Fuyuhiko turned, exhaling in relief to see that Nagito has joined them after all. He smiled and waved casually.

Monokuma’s grin widened. “Oh?” he said.

Kazuichi sighed in frustration. “Alright, what the hell is going on?” he asked. “What’s the motive? Get on with it.”

Nagito laughed. “But you already know, Souda-kun!” he said brightly. “Isn’t it obvious? It’s Hanahaki disease.”

Kazuichi and Fuyuhiko both froze in place, exchanging a wide-eyed glance. “Nagito, what are you doing?” Fuyuhiko asked sharply. Something was wrong. He’d been so adamant about keeping it a secret all this time, so why now? 

“Another disease? Are you kiddin’ me?” Akane asked exasperatedly. “What does this one do?”

“Oh, I think I have read about it!” Sonia said excitedly. “It’s when you love someone who doesn’t love you back, and then a flower grows in your chest until you suffocate and die! Right?”

Gundham nodded. “Correct,” he confirmed. “It is the foul curse of the demon known as love. A most formidable foe. Even I, the Supreme Overlord of Ice, would not achieve easy victory against it.”

Nobody seemed to be particularly taken aback by Nagito’s announcement, and Fuyuhiko suspected that they didn’t quite realize the implications of what was going on. Hajime, thankfully, seemed a bit more concerned. “Wait, what? Komaeda, you have to explain more than that,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “How is that the motive? It’s not like any of us…” He froze suddenly, the color draining from his face.

Nagito smiled a bit sadly. “That’s right, Hinata-kun, I knew you would get it,” he said. “You were wondering why I never got better even after the Despair Disease was gone, right? Well, now you know.”

Hajime’s eyes widened. “You… have Hanahaki?” he asked in disbelief. He winced, suddenly, grabbing his head. “That petal…”

“Haha, yes, I lied to you about where I got it. Sorry about that, Hinata-kun,” he said, sounding genuinely apologetic.

“Wait a minute. So does that mean you’re in love with someone? _You_?” Akane asked, clearly perturbed by the thought. “Who the hell is it?”

A silence fell over the group. Nagito’s confidence seemed to waver for the first time since he’d arrived, and his face fell into a frown as he struggled to come up with the words to respond. “Come on, guys, give him a break,” Fuyuhiko spoke up when it was clear Nagito wasn’t going to. He eyed the other boy warily. “You don’t have to answer that, Nagito.”

Nagito made a strange, choked noise, and it took Fuyuhiko a moment to realize that he was chuckling. He leaned over, his shoulders shaking as it escalated into boisterous laughter, tears leaking out of his eyes as he struggled for air in between. Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi exchanged a wary glance. “Weren’t you all listening to Monokuma? He already told you who this motive was about, didn’t he?” he said between cackles. All eyes immediately fell on Hajime, who was grimacing, his eyes squeezed shut and his hands clenched into fists. He didn’t, however, seem surprised by this information. Almost like he’d been expecting it since the moment he’d realized Komaeda had the disease.

“Komaeda…” Hajime said, his voice filled with too many emotions at once. Nagito ignored him completely.

“So, you all understand now, don’t you?” Nagito said, his grin wide and his eyes dark with a familiar madness.“In a few weeks, I’ll be dead. Who do you think the blackened will be, hm? What do you think, Monokuma?”

Monokuma tapped his chin, as if in deep thought. “Hmmmm, if I had to guess, I’d say it would be the person you’re in love with!” he said, clearly enjoying this turn of events. “After all, Hanahaki is the same as murder. There’s a victim and a perpetrator.”

Hajime let out an agonized groan, but otherwise remained silent, the pained grimace still present on his features. Nagito cackled again. “That’s how it is! So now there’s a choice you all have to make. It’s either me or Hinata-kun,” he said. “If one of us isn’t dead before this disease kills me, then it’ll be the end of both of us. So you guys had better choose soon! And, as always, I’m willing to help anyone who’s planning on doing something to me. I know we’ll be able to come up with something great enough to inspire the strongest hope imaginable!”

“Dude, cut it out!” Kazuichi snapped suddenly, glancing at the others nervously. “What are you trying to gain by saying shit like that?”

Nagito sighed. “How disappointing. Have you forgotten already? I’ve always longed to trade my useless life away for the sake of hope,” he said. “Or had you convinced yourself that I’d changed? That someone like me could ever be friends with someone like you?”

Kazuichi scowled. “Shut up,” he said frustratedly. “I don’t know what the hell you’re doing, but we’re not gonna let anyone kill you no matter what you say. So just knock it off and calm the hell down.” Nagito laughed again.

“Do you hear that, Hinata-kun?” he said patronizingly. “They’re willing to let you die for my sake. To think that Ultimates would care so much about a pathetic waste of space like me! What kind of execution will Monokuma come up with for you, I wonder? We don’t know your talent, after all…”

Fuyuhiko cursed under his breath, running a hand over his closely-shaved hair. This was getting out of hand. Why the hell did this guy have to make it so hard to keep him alive? “Hinata,” he said firmly. “Say something.”

Hajime finally opened his eyes, running a hand through his hair. “What… am I supposed to say?” he said helplessly. “How am I supposed to react to something like this?”

Monokuma interrupted before Fuyuhiko could respond. “Puhuhu, this is turning out even more exciting than I’d hoped!” Monokuma said brightly. “Well, you all heard the man, there’s your motive. Kill one, kill neither, I don’t care, either way someone’s gonna die!”

“I know you guys will make that right decision,” Nagito said with a smile. He turned to look at Fuyuhiko, who noticed right away that all of the madness had left his eyes, leaving nothing but pure desperation in its place. Fuyuhiko felt a realization wash over him. _As long as it saves me, I don’t care what happens to him!_ “After all, you’re all the Ultimate symbols of hope.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof
> 
> i hope it's clear what komaeda's doing... if not it's fine it'll be more clear as the story goes on hehe also i feel like i should point out that when he said he wasn't gonna let despair win again he was talking about the despair he felt before he embraced hope in his life not ultimate despair he doesn't remember that obv
> 
> anyway sorry for another shorter chapter! i'm considering maybe changing updates to every two weeks but making the chapters longer? or would you guys prefer the shorter chapters on a weekly basis? let me know! :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my weekly schedule is already slowly falling apart hehe sorry I'M TRYING

Hajime sat with his forehead pressed against cool metal, feeling the continuous vibrations of 8-bit music pulsing through the machine. Other than that and the sound of Chiaki smashing buttons, the hotel lobby was quiet. He was grateful for that.

“Are you gonna say something?” Chiaki asked in that cool, quiet voice of hers, not moving her eyes away from the screen. “You’ve been sitting there sighing for around thirty minutes, I think.”

Hajime lifted his head off of the game machine, smiling at Chiaki softly. Just being around her was calming, which was why he’d finally left his room for the first time in days to pull up a stool next to her and try to escape his thoughts for a bit. “Get the high score yet?” he asked, obviously deflecting.

“Duh,” she said flatly. “Ages ago. I’m trying to surpass 900,000 points and break the worldwide leaderboard.”

Hajime blinked. “That sounds like… a lot of points,” he said cluelessly.

“Mm,” Chiaki agreed with a nod. “But you probably didn’t come here to talk about games, right?”

Hajime sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I don’t know,” he said. “Even if I did want to talk, I wouldn’t know what to say.”

Chiaki hummed thoughtfully. “Okay, let’s handle one thing at a time then,” she said calmly. “First of all, are you okay?”

God, she was wonderful. What a ridiculous thing to ask. It wasn’t like he was the one who was dying, in fact, he was the reason someone _else_ was dying, yet she was still checking in on him. He let himself imagine, just for a moment, that it was her who was in Nagito’s position instead, before violently smothering the thought. “I’m so… confused,” he admitted. “I don’t know whether to feel guilty or angry. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Chiaki nodded, her expression unchanging. “It’s not an easy situation. Especially when something complicated like love is involved,” she said. “Sorry, I don’t really know that much about it, so I don’t really have any good advice.” Hajime chuckled.

“Yeah. You and me both,” he muttered.

“Have you talked to him?” she asked casually, finally taking her eyes off of the screen to look at him once she cleared the level she was on. He looked away.

“…What would I say, Chiaki?” he asked, his voice quiet and distressed. “‘Sorry you’re gonna die a miserable death because I don’t love you’? I mean, everything’s already out there in the open. Anything I say will just make it worse.”

Chiaki frowned. “You’re wrong,” she said. “The solution to this problem isn’t something you can just leave up to chance. The two of you need to solve it together. No one else can do that for you.”

Hajime grit his teeth in frustration. “But why do I have to do it? Why do I have to be a part of this? It’s not like I did anything, we’re not even friends,” he said. He knew he sounded like a whiny kid, but he couldn’t help it, days of alienating himself and staying quiet had built up. At least Chiaki would never judge him. “And now you’re telling me he’s gonna die and it’ll be my fault? How am I supposed to _solve_ that?”

Chiaki turned back to her game, but he didn’t miss the solemn expression on her face. “Yeah. Some things just aren’t fair,” she said consolingly. “But… no matter what, even if you can’t change anything, you should talk to him. If you don’t, you’ll regret it forever. That’s what I think.”

Hajime thought about that. Nagito was basically a ticking time bomb at the moment, and every second the odds of him dying grew more likely. Whether the disease killed him or, as much as Hajime hated to consider it, someone else did, he was undoubtedly in mortal danger. If Hajime left things like this, and he lost the chance to make things right between them forever… he would never forgive himself for that.

“Do you always have to be right?” Hajime asked in faux-annoyance, smiling softly at the girl next to him. She shrugged.

“Pretty much,” she said. She paused thoughtfully. “One more question. Do you think you could fall in love with him?”

Hajime felt a cold panic wash over him at the question. That was a topic he’d been strictly avoiding thinking about. Everyone knew that there was only one way he and Nagito were both getting out of this unscathed, but Hajime just couldn’t bring himself acknowledge it. It felt like making a promise he couldn’t possibly keep. “What if I can’t?” he asked quietly, desperate for an answer she didn’t have. She smiled sadly.

“Then you can’t,” she said. “But you have to remember that no matter what, it’s not your fault.”

What would he do without her. “Yeah. Thanks, Chiaki,” he said. She hummed.

“Sure. Wanna 1v1?” she asked, moving her chair over to make room for him. He chuckled and moved over, letting his complicated thoughts settle in the back of his mind for the first time in days.

—

The atmosphere at breakfast was noticeably tense when Hajime showed up for the first time in several days. No one seemed to even want to look at him, with the exception of Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi, who alternated shooting glances at him every few seconds.

“Where’s that bastard Komaeda at, anyway?” Akane said, breaking through the awkward silence. “It’s makin’ me nervous that we don’t know what he’s up to.”

“Probably sleeping. He’s sick,” Kazuichi immediately replied, his eyes narrowed and his tone defensive.

Sonia shifted uncomfortably. “It is a bit… concerning,” she said. “He does have motivation to kill, seeing as the end of Hinata-san’s life will mean the end of his disease.”

Fuyuhiko scowled. “Are you serious? You really think that guy is gonna kill Hinata?” he snapped. “Don’t you think he would’ve done that _before_ telling everyone he has a motive? If Hinata wound up dead, we’d all know who did it. The trial would be over in five seconds.”

“I dunno about that…” Akane said. “Maybe it’s you and Souda we need to watch out for. Komaeda’s you guys’ best buddy now, after all.”

Kazuichi nearly jumped out of his seat in indignation. “Are you crazy?!” he said loudly.

Chiaki sighed. “Guys, we shouldn’t fight like this,” she said calmly. “It’s exactly what Monokuma wants.”

Her attempts went ignored. “You guys are pointing fingers in the wrong direction,” Fuyuhiko continued coldly. “Hinata isn’t the one who’s in danger. Everyone here has a motive to kill Nagito, seeing as Hinata is everyone’s favorite. Can any of you honestly say you wouldn’t trade Nagito’s life for his?”

“You know I’m sitting right here, right?” Hajime asked flatly. Fuyuhiko turned on him, and he immediately regretted speaking up.

“Yeah, okay, so what are you gonna do about it?” Fuyuhiko challenged. “How are you gonna make sure Nagito doesn’t get killed on your behalf?”

Hajime rubbed his temple. He didn’t know. He didn’t want to deal with this, not now, not ever. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” he muttered. He didn’t even want to consider the fact that anyone here would kill someone just for him, but… it was true that he had gotten pretty close with everyone over the last few weeks. And Nagito was Nagito. “I’d just hope you all would know that’s definitely not what I want.”

“Of course. _No one_ here wants another murder to happen, Kuzuryuu-kun,” Chiaki said. “We have to trust each other.”

The aggression immediately fell from Fuyuhiko’s face at the words, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “Fuck. I know. Sorry,” he muttered. “This whole thing just has me on edge.”

Sonia smiled sympathetically. “While I do not know what you see in him, it is understandable that you are concerned about your friend,” she comforted.

Fuyuhiko blinked. “He’s not my…” he started, before trailing off. “…Yeah. Thanks.”

When they’d all finished eating and started to go their separate ways, Kazuichi nudged Hajime with his elbow. “Hey man, help me out with something,” he said, grabbing various leftover foods off of the table and putting it in a napkin. 

“Uh, sure,” Hajime replied, stupidly.

It wasn’t until they neared the cottages that Hajime realized there was only one reason why Kazuichi would have taken food out of the restaurant. He tensed up immediately. He definitely wasn’t mentally prepared for this confrontation, but then again, he probably never would be. He imagined the disappointed look Chiaki would give him if he ran away now, and that alone was enough to make him keep walking.

They stopped in front of Nagito’s cottage, unsurprisingly. “Here, hold this,” Kazuichi said, handing off the food to Hajime as he knocked on the door. Then, dramatically, he groaned and put a hand to his forehead. “Shit, I just remembered I have to do something. Important. Stay long enough to make sure he eats, okay? Thanks buddy!”

Hajime strongly considered throwing the food into the ocean. And Kazuichi after it. “Are you kidding,” he said flatly, but the other boy was already long gone.

Hajime didn’t know what to say when Nagito eventually opened the door, so he just shifted uncomfortably and avoided eye contact. “Hinata-kun. What are you doing here?” he asked, his expression hard. Then, all at once, his eyes lit up. “Don’t tell me—”

“Souda asked me to bring you breakfast,” Hajime cut him off before he could continue that thought, holding up the food in his hand. He sighed. “Also… I think we should probably talk.”

Nagito was quiet for several beats. “Haha, that’s not necessary. There’s no need for you to feel a sense of obligation,” he said with a forced smile. “There’s nothing you need to worry about. I’m sure this will all be over soon.”

Hajime sighed again, massaging his temple tiredly. “I’d really like to come in, Komaeda. Please,” he said. Nagito hesitated, before stepping to the side and allowing Hajime to enter.

Hajime felt his blood run cold immediately upon entering. There were flower petals strewn everywhere, as if he hadn’t been able to contain them to the trash can beside his bed. It sunk in for the first time that this was really happening, Nagito was really dying because of him. The evidence was right in front of his face.

“Um,” he said, snapping himself out of his dread and guilt to hand Nagito the food. “Souda told me to make sure you eat all of it, so.”

Nagito took it with a grimace. He didn’t look very thrilled at the prospect of eating, but he started nibbling on a piece of toast obediently. “Your regard for my life is… troubling,” he said darkly. “But since the Ultimates went out of their way to bring this to me, I guess I can’t refuse.”

“Komaeda… how can you say things like that?” Hajime asked. “Of course I’m concerned about your life. Everyone is. It’s just called being a decent human being.”

“Hm… I wonder,” Nagito said. “Is it really okay to value my life, someone who is completely worthless, even at the expense of yours? If you ask me, the _decent_ thing to do would be to get rid of me so that both of us don’t die pointlessly because of my stupid mistake.”

Hajime blinked. “What… mistake? Do you mean…” he said, before flushing in embarrassment. “Erm.”

“Sorry. You don't have to say it. I didn’t mean to make you think of something unpleasant,” Nagito replied, sounding genuinely apologetic. “If the situation were different, I assure you I never would have burdened you with something so utterly ridiculous.”

Hajime frowned deeply. “Hey. That’s… not something you need to apologize for,” he said, looking down at his feet to hide the flush he knew was creeping steadily up his face. “I, uh, don’t know much about it, but I’m pretty sure it’s not something you can control. And to call it a mistake…”

“Well, don’t you think so too?” Nagito asked. “Don’t you wish things weren’t like this?”

Hajime took a moment to seriously consider that question. “I wish… we weren’t in the middle of a killing game. And I wish you didn’t have Hanahaki,” he admitted. “But it’s not like I’m upset that you feel that way about me. I’m kind of, uh, flattered, I guess? I mean, I know a little bit about Hanahaki, and for the flowers to manifest the feelings have to be really… serious. So, uh. Thanks.” 

This was so embarrassing. Hajime wanted to take it back, he _did_ wish Nagito wasn’t in love with him, if only so he didn’t have to say anything so mortifying ever again. Much to his further humiliation, Nagito laughed; though it may have just an excuse to cover his mouth and attempt to hide the petals that fell past his lips.

“You’re so strange, Hinata-kun,” he said lightly. Hajime grimaced.

“I don’t really want to hear that from you.”

Nagito laughed again, before letting it trail off and falling into silence. He looked down at his lap and exhaled slowly. “I don’t know much about it either,” he admitted. “You know, it used to be that I was always thinking about nothing but hope. But when I’m around you, Hinata-kun, I can't help but have doubts about what’s kept me going all this time. After all… in spite of hope or despair, I still love you.”

Hajime choked so hard that he dissolved into a coughing fit, pounding himself in the chest to encourage air into his lungs. He looked everywhere in the room except for at Nagito, his face burning. “How can you say something like that straight to my face?!” he spluttered. “You have an incredible amount of confidence for someone so self-degrading…” Nagito smiled apologetically.

“To be honest, it isn’t easy for me to say, either,” he said with a hollow laugh. “If I was wrong about hope this whole time, then my existence in this world truly has no meaning other than causing pain and destruction…”

Hajime grimaced. More than anything else, he just wished he knew what Nagito was talking about when he said things like that. Maybe he would never understand, but… he didn’t want to stop trying. And he hated the fact that if things kept going like this, he would lose the chance forever.

He regretted the words before they left his mouth. He usually did, when that annoying part of his brain that obsessively needed to help people with their problems took over. Maybe being a pushover was his Ultimate talent. “I’ll save you, Komaeda,” he said seriously. “I’m the only one who can, so… I’ll do it. We’re both getting out of this alive.”

So much for not making promises he couldn’t keep.

Nagito’s eyes widened in shock, and he stood frozen for what must have been several minutes. Just when Hajime thought he was going to die from discomfort, Nagito began to laugh in that same manic, unsettling way he had at the park several days ago. Hajime sighed. Of course he wasn’t going to make this easy.

“As expected of an Ultimate!” Nagito proclaimed between cackles. “You’re just like Kuzuryuu and Souda, you continue to seek hope even for the sake of someone like me. I should have expected this, it’s the reason I believe in all of you so much, after all! But you’re naive, I’m afraid. You’ve convinced yourself that falling in love with me and curing my disease will bring hope, when in fact it’s exactly the opposite. That will bring nothing but despair.”

Hajime sighed. Being reasonable wasn’t going to work here, he had to choose his tactics carefully. “If you say it’s despair, then don’t you want to see hope overcome it?” he asked. “That’s what you’re always saying, right?”

It seemed to be the right thing to say, because the mania slowly faded from Nagito’s features. Hajime continued, encouraged. “I don’t know about you, but for me, the only version of hope I can think of in this situation is curing your disease,” he said. “So basically… I’m asking you to be a, um, stepping stone. So I can reach that hope.”

Nagito started swaying slightly, his expression a strange combination of shocked and blissed out. He opened his mouth to speak, but several horrible, wheezing coughs came out instead, and Hajime watched the lavender petals flutter to the ground. He couldn’t help but notice they were a different shape and size than the others littering the bedroom floor.

Nagito looked up at him, a pained smile on his face and his eyes wet from coughing. “Hinata-kun…” he said quietly. He looked conflicted, like he wasn’t sure what to say next. “Thank you, for the food. You can go now.”

—

Nagito held the new petal against the page in front of him with shaky fingers, confirming a perfect match. His eyes travelled down toward the description.

_Hydrangea. Gratitude for being understood._

He laughed loudly, his tired voice ringing throughout the empty library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed hajime's pov!! it's gonna mostly be in his for a while :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg this chapter is soooo late i'm sorry i failed
> 
> it's a longer chapter though so hopefully that makes up for it!! i'm still chuggin away at this don't worry

The past few weeks had easily been the worst of Hajime’s life. Being abducted, trapped on a desert island, and forced into a killing game was definitely not ideal, nor was finding out a boy he barely liked as a friend was in love with him and that both of them would die if he didn’t love him back. However, despite all of that, he could say with confidence that being cruelly rejected by Nagito Komaeda was the worst thing that had ever happened to him.

“You’re so funny, Hinata-kun. There’s no way I’d ever go on a date with you,” Nagito said brightly. Hajime felt himself crash into rock bottom at full speed.

“…You’re an asshole,” he said flatly. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Why do you have to make everything so difficult? Just let me… romance you, or whatever.”

“Haha, no thank you.”

Hajime covered his face with his hand and groaned loudly. “You know, not that I’ve ever been in love with anyone, but I’m pretty sure you suck at it,” he muttered. Komaeda chuckled, and it sounded light and genuine, unlike his usual condescending laughter.

“Wow… I’m even untalented when it comes to being in love. How pathetic,” he said, and Hajime had the sneaking suspicion that he was joking. “Anyway, I appreciate the offer, Hinata-kun, but please don’t suggest something so ridiculous ever again.”

It was definitely ridiculous. Spending time going on dates and trying to fall in love with someone in a conventional way while they were being held captive and constantly at risk of being murdered was a joke, but what choice did he have? He’d already told Nagito he’d save him, so he had to try. “Well, thanks for making it clear that you’d rather die than go on a date with me,” he said bluntly. “But I’m not taking no for an answer. Come on, let’s go to the diner, I’m hungry.”

“So cool, Hinata-kun. You’re so confident even after being rejected like that, as expected of an Ultimate!”

Hajime ignored him and began to head toward the second island, and despite his opposition, Nagito followed.

The diner was already occupied by Sonia and Akane when they arrived, the former sitting on the counter and swinging her legs back and forth and the latter mowing down a burger at an alarming rate. Like the restaurant at the hotel, the diner always seemed to be mysteriously stocked with freshly-made food during meal times. Sonia looked up at them and waved. “Oh, you two are together?” she asked in surprise. 

Akane stopped eating and glanced over at them. “You’re not like, plottin’ a murder or anything, right?” she asked through a mouthful of food. Hajime sighed.

“As much sense as that would make, no. Thanks for the concern though,” he said flatly.

Sonia smiled. “I think it is great that you two are spending time together!” she said happily. “Please do not let us interrupt you.”

Hajime glanced at Nagito and tilted his head toward the booth in the back, leading the way as they made their way toward it. It wasn’t until he sat down that he realized how nervous he was. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing. “Uh… I’ve never actually been on a date before,” he said awkwardly, sitting back in his booth and rubbing the back of his neck.

“This isn’t a date, Hinata-kun,” Nagito corrected pleasantly. Hajime grimaced.

“Yes, it is. Get over it. We’re definitely dating right now,” he said very seriously, hardly believing the words coming out of his own mouth. Nagito sighed.

“Don’t you understand the consequences of what you’re saying?” he asked. “Accepting a date with you is way too dangerous. If I let myself experience luck that wonderful, there’s no doubt the results would be catastrophic.” Hajime exhaled slowly. He should’ve known it was something like this.

“That again, huh?” he said, forcing himself to be patient and not immediately dismiss Nagito’s ramblings. “Komaeda, what exactly do you think is gonna happen? You know this whole, being cursed with luck, or whatever, thing isn’t possible, right? If bad things have happened to you in the past… it’s just a coincidence. It’s not because you’re the human equivalent of walking under a ladder.”

Nagito was quiet for several beats, fixing Hajime with a sad smile that didn’t quite reach his exhausted eyes. “Let’s play a game, Hinata-kun,” he finally said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a coin. He placed it in Hajime’s hand. “You flip.”

Hajime blinked, glancing between the coin and Nagito in confusion. When Nagito showed no intention of elaborating, Hajime gave in with a sigh and flipped the coin into the air. “Heads or tails?” he asked, catching it with ease and hiding it between his palm and the back of his other hand.

“Heads,” Nagito said simply. Hajime lifted his hand.

Heads. “Uh, congrats,” he said flatly.

“Flip it again,” Nagito demanded. Hajime sighed.

“Komaeda, what are you…” he started, before trailing off and shaking his head. He really needed to stop wasting his time trying to get a logical response out of the other boy, ever. He flipped the coin again. “Heads or tails?”

“Tails,” Nagito said. Hajime lifted his hand once more. Tails. “Again.”

They repeated the same actions several times, and every single time, Nagito guessed correctly. Hajime slowly became more alarmed with each coin toss. “Okay, what the hell,” he said nervously, rolling the coin over in his hand. “Is this like, a trick coin or something?” Nagito sighed in a loud, dramatic fashion.

“You still don’t believe in my luck?” he said dejectedly. He paused, a conflicted expression crossing his face. “One more time.”

Hajime rolled his eyes, but complied, flicking the coin up in the air and catching it once more. “Heads or tails?”

“Neither,” Nagito said, with an absurd amount of confidence. Hajime blinked.

“Um… it has to be—” he began to retort, but they were interrupted, suddenly, by the window beside them abruptly bursting into shattered glass.

Hajime vaguely registered Sonia shrieking as he covered his face with his arms, hissing as he felt a shard of glass slice through the back of his hand. “What the _hell_?” he said in alarm, glancing down to see a baseball roll against his foot. He turned to look out of the hole where the window used to be.

“A-are you crazy!” Kazuichi was saying as he stood up from his crouched position, shaky and wide-eyed like he’d just narrowly avoided death. “If I’d tried to catch that I would’ve died!”

Nekomaru, standing opposite him and sporting a baseball mitt, rubbed the back of his neck. “Gahaha, sorry! Guess I underestimated the strength of my robot body!”

Hajime let out an exasperated breath. Well, at least they weren’t under attack. “Geez…”

“Hinata-kun, are you okay?!” Nagito suddenly exclaimed, turning Hajime’s attention to him. He was startled to see the other boy looking more sincere than he’d ever seen him, his eyes full of undeniable distress. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, it’s actually unbelievable how horrible I am. You’re bleeding…”

Hajime looked at his hand to see the slice had, in fact, begun to bleed. He picked up a napkin and calmly staunched the blood flow. “It’s just a scratch, no worries,” he said, raising an eyebrow as the out-of-character anguish remained on the other boy’s face. “Komaeda, it’s really okay. This definitely wasn’t your fault.” Nagito laughed shakily.

“Of course it was. I can’t believe I would do something so dangerous, I thought since it was something simple like a coin toss the result wouldn’t be too catastrophic… ” he muttered to himself. “But you got hurt, and it’s all because of me. I know someone like me could never dream of earning your forgiveness—”

“Hey, are you guys alright? Sorry about that, I didn’t know I was playing catch with a rocket launcher,” Kazuichi said, approaching them from the other side of the broken glass. He paused, eyeing them carefully. “…What are you two up to?”

Hajime sighed. “Well, we were eating,” he said, looking down at his glass-covered burger regretfully.

“Hinata-kun,” Nagito said, standing up abruptly, his expression deadly serious. “I’m leaving now. Please stay away from me from now on.” And with that, he turned on his heel and walked off. Hajime balked.

“W-wait, Komaeda!” he called, to no avail. He stood up to follow, but before he could move, something caught his eye and stopped him dead in his tracks.

The coin they’d been playing with had flown off of the table during the commotion, and had somehow managed to wedge itself between two of the floorboards. Hajime stared at it in disbelief, feeling the color drain from his face.

It was standing straight up, completely perpendicular with the ground. Neither heads nor tails.

—

“So… what’s the deal with you and Nagito?”

Hajime rubbed the back of his neck, drawing lines in the sand where he sat. “You’re on a first-name basis with him?” he asked, deflecting. Kazuichi spluttered.

“Wh– you’re not supposed to answer a question with another question!” he said indignantly. “Fuyuhiko, hand me another nail.”

Monokuma had apparently tasked Kazuichi with fixing the broken diner window, and he’d asked Hajime and Fuyuhiko to come along for assistance. Hajime had a sneaking suspicion that they were just using that as an excuse to ambush him, though. “I heard you came to eat here alone with him. How’d that go?” Fuyuhiko asked, feigning casualty as he fumbled with the box of nails.

“Oh, man, don’t tell me Nekomaru ruined your first date,” Kazuichi said. Hajime shrugged.

“I don’t think it was going that great anyway,” he mumbled. The tapping of Kazuichi’s hammer stopped abruptly. Hajime looked up to see both of them staring at him with wide eyes. “…What?”

“Wait… it was seriously a date?” Fuyuhiko said, turning his full attention to him.

“Dude. You’re really doing it? You two are gonna be like… a couple?” Kazuichi asked in disbelief. He chuckled in that creepy way he always did when his mind inevitably wandered into the gutter. “That’s so weird…”

Hajime gaped in disbelief. “What the hell, isn’t that what you wanted?!” he said, flustered. Kazuichi held his hands out defensively.

“Yeah, yeah, of course! I just… I dunno, didn’t think you’d actually go through with it?” he said, scratching his cheek. “I mean, I didn’t know you were into guys like that…”

Hajime swallowed nervously, looking down at his lap as he mulled over Kazuichi’s words. _Did_ he even like guys like that? He didn’t think he ever had before, but that didn’t mean that he _couldn’t_. It wasn’t like the thought disgusted him or anything. In fact, those first few days before he’d revealed his true personality, he’d really liked Nagito. A lot. And he probably spent a little too much time thinking about how pretty he was.

Now that he thought about it, he probably could’ve fallen in love with that Nagito easily. But that Nagito didn’t really exist.

“Dude,” Fuyuhiko hissed, elbowing Kazuichi’s leg from where he sat on his other side, clearly sensing Hajime’s discomfort. “Don’t worry about that, Hinata. It’s cool that you’re trying. That’s all we can really ask for.”

Hajime exhaled deeply. “You guys have gotten pretty close to him, huh?” he asked, trying to shift the attention away from himself. “How did that happen anyway?”

Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi exchanged an awkward glance. “Well, uh, we found out about his disease before anyone else did,” Fuyuhiko explained. “So we tried to help. Not like there was much we could do, though.”

“He’s not so bad. I guess. I know what it’s like to be an outcast, so I kinda feel for him,” Kazuichi muttered, like admitting he liked Nagito Komaeda was the most humiliating thing he’d ever confessed. “I dunno, man, I used to think you had it pretty hard, but after getting to know him… that guy might not be impossible to fall for.”

They were quiet for a few beats. Then, suddenly, the atmosphere was shattered by a loud snort from Fuyuhiko. “I think you might have some competition, Hinata,” he teased. Kazuichi nearly put the hammer he was using straight through the newly-repaired window.

“W-what?! Shut up, man!” he spluttered. “We’re talking about _Hinata’s_ gay love problems, remember?”

“So you admit you have gay love problems?” Hajime asked flatly. This time he was afraid the hammer was gonna go through his skull.

“Fuck you guys,” Kazuichi muttered, turning back to his project. “I don’t want your help anymore. Hinata, go make out with your boyfriend or something.”

Hajime rolled his eyes. “He’s definitely… not that,” he muttered. “Actually, he told me to stay away from him. I don’t really know a lot about dating, but that’s probably not a good sign.”

Fuyuhiko sighed long-sufferingly. “You dumbass,” he mumbled. “Look… I know a little bit about Hanahaki, so trust me when I say you staying away from him is the absolute last thing he wants. You realize he wants to be with you so badly it’s actually _killing him_ , right? It doesn’t get much more clear than that.”

Hajime scrubbed his hands over his face. “Then what’s his deal?” he groaned miserably. “God, just for _once_ I wish I knew what was going on in his mind.”

“It’s really not that hard to figure out,” Fuyuhiko said flatly. “I’m guessing it’s the same reason he made himself look like the bad guy and gave us all an ultimatum at the park the other day. There’s only really one reason why someone would want the person they’re in love with to stay away from them.”

Hajime flushed slightly. “S-so what, you think he’s trying to protect me?” he muttered, embarrassed. Thinking back on Nagito’s actions, though… it did make a lot of sense. But the whole concept of him being dangerous because of his luck was still something Hajime couldn’t really take seriously. Regardless of whether or not it was true, though, Nagito clearly believed in it to the extent that he thought it was better just to die. “That’s… crazy.”

“Duh. It’s Nagito,” Fuyuhiko pointed out with a smirk. “But that crazy motherfucker is willing to die for you. So don’t give up on him yet.” Hajime shook his head.

“No, I…” he said, a strange feeling shifting in his chest. “I wasn’t planning on it.”

—

When Nagito didn’t answer after the first knock, Hajime didn’t think much of it. The other boy spent most of his time sleeping these days. He knocked again, this time loudly enough to wake him up.

He waited. Still no answer. Hajime furrowed his eyebrows. The other boy wasn’t a heavy sleeper by any means, and he always came to the door, no matter how much he didn’t want to see anyone. He knocked again, and when Nagito failed to answer for the third time, Hajime’s mind immediately flew to the worst case-scenario at high speed.

“Komaeda?” Hajime called, pounding on the door with his fist. He felt his heart sink when there wasn’t so much as a shuffle from the other side. “ _Komaeda_!”

He ground his teeth together, completely in a panic now as he backed away from the door. And then, just as he had at the music venue not long ago, he braced his shoulder and threw his full weight into it.

The wood of the door frame cracked as it went flying open, ricocheting against the wall violently. Hajime prepared himself for the worst as he looked inside and saw…

An empty room.

He immediately felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him at his overreaction. Obviously Nagito just simply being somewhere else was more likely than him lying dead in his cottage.

“Hinata-kun?”

He winced, turning around guiltily. “Uh, hey, Chiaki,” he said. “I was just—”

“I think I saw Komaeda-kun heading toward the beach,” she interrupted, barely looking up from her handheld game. Hajime let out a sigh of relief, ruffling her hair as he walked past her.

“Thanks,” he said, waiting to hear her hum of acknowledgment before jogging away from the hotel and toward the bridge.

Sure enough, the first thing he saw as he approached the beach was Nagito’s mess of white hair as he sat facing the ocean. It wasn’t until he got closer that he noticed the concerning amount of flower petals surrounding him. He wondered, briefly, if Mahiru would have liked to take a picture of the sight.

He sat down beside the other boy quietly, watching the waves crash against the shore. Nagito didn’t so much as a shift beside him. “Feeling okay?” Hajime asked, breaking the silence first. Nagito finally turned to look at him.

“Ah… Hinata-kun,” he said, looking a bit dazed. He coughed weakly, and a few more petals fell past his lips. “Haha, of course, it was stupid of me to think you’d respect my wishes. What right do I have to ask something of an Ultimate?”

Hajime sighed. “Don’t do that,” he said flatly. “Of course I wasn’t just gonna stay away from you. You understand that we can’t just keep ignoring this, right?”

Nagito pulled his knees in tightly and rested his chin on them. “If you want to prevent me dying and bringing you down with me,” he said lifelessly. “There’s a simple solution for that. You can even do it right now.”

It took every ounce of Hajime’s strength not to roll his eyes. “The only _solution_ , as far as I’m concerned, is for me to… erm,” he said awkwardly. He was still way too embarrassed to actually say the word out loud. “Return your feelings.”

“That is _not_ a solution,” Nagito said sharply. He stood up, suddenly, fixing Hajime with a glower. “You still don’t understand? If your goal is to survive, then you have to stay _away_ from me. The only way you get out of this alive is if I’m taken out of the picture.”

Hajime sighed. “Because of your luck, right?” he asked calmly. He stood up as well. “You think it’s too dangerous for you to get close to anyone because of your luck.”

Nagito laughed in that hysterical way of his, but it was shakier than normal, like it couldn’t decide whether to come out as a laugh or a sob. “ _Think_? I _know_ , Hinata-kun. My entire life, everyone and everything I’ve ever loved has been taken away right in front of me,” he said desperately. “But that’s okay! Because no matter how much despair my luck brings, I know hope will always be able to overcome it! It doesn’t matter what happens to me or the people I care about as long as those tragedies create a path toward a stronger hope.”

He paused, the mania leaving his face completely and leaving only to be replaced by a conflicted frown. “Or… that’s what I thought,” he continued. “But I just can’t imagine you dying bringing anything but despair. So please… please just kill me. Let me die knowing I saved you. That’s the greatest hope I could possibly create with my worthless life.”

Hajime took a step toward Nagito, his expression grimly serious. “There’s no way I’m ever gonna do that, Komaeda,” he said. “I’m not just doing this because I want to live. I want you to live too.”

Nagito stared at him blankly. “Why?”

“Why?” Hajime repeated, rubbing the back of his neck. He thought of earlier, and the panic he’d felt just at the possibility that Nagito might be dead. “Uh, I guess… because I’d be sad if you were gone.”

Nagito coughed harshly, spilling more petals onto the sand beneath them. Hajime placed a steadying hand on his shoulder. Nagito chuckled under his breath. “You can’t mean that,” he said softly.

“I do,” Hajime replied immediately, surprising even himself with his earnesty. “Even before all of this, I really wanted to know you. I think I’m finally starting to understand so… I don’t want this to end yet. I want to spend more time with you.”

Nagito grimaced, shaking his head. “Please… stop…” he said. “You can’t. The more time you spend with me, the more danger you’ll be in.”

“There’s no point in worrying about things that haven’t happened yet,” Hajime said, stepping closer to him once more. “We’ll worry about it as we go, okay?”

“Hinata-kun…” Nagito said shakily, looking up at him with a serious expression. “What exactly is it that you’re suggesting?”

Hajime’s breath hitched, his face heating up slightly as he realized how close they were now. His hand was still on Nagito’s shoulder, and he could feel his warm breath across his face. He swallowed thickly. “I…”

And then, even though the sky had been completely clear all day, thunder suddenly cracked across the beach and a steady rain descended on them all at once.

“Ah… of course,” Nagito sighed, pushing his suddenly wet hair out of his eyes. “Let’s go, Hinata-kun, it would be bad if one of us got struck by lightning.”

Nagito turned to head back to the hotel, but Hajime…

Hajime couldn’t let things be left up in the air, not again. They were running out of time. He couldn’t let this moment pass.

He reached out and grabbed Nagito’s arm, pulling him back toward him and pressing their mouths together before the other boy even had time to react.

It was the first time Hajime had ever kissed anyone, and he definitely understood what all the hype was about. Their lips moved together naturally, and he felt lightheaded at the sensation, his heart hammering against his chest and pounding in his ears. Nagito was still at first, too shocked to react, but it wasn’t long before he grabbed Hajime tightly by the shirt and responded back enthusiastically. Hajime threaded his fingers through the other boy’s wet hair and pulled him closer. Yeah, he was definitely into guys.

They pulled away after a few moments that felt like a lifetime, staring at each other silently as they caught their breath. Hajime was sure his face was on fire. “Hinata-kun…”

Whatever he was going to say was abruptly cut off when a bolt of lightning hit the beach, close enough to them that it made the hairs on their arms stand up. The two of them jumped back in alarm, ending up in the wet sand as they stared at where they’d just narrowly avoided electrocution with wide eyes.

After several beats of shocked silence, Hajime snorted loudly, unable to help himself. “Oh my god,” he said, raising his voice over the rain. “We actually did almost get struck by lightning.” He glanced over at Nagito, only to laugh louder at the alarm on the other boy’s face.

“Geez, Hinata-kun, you could’ve at least waited to assault me until we’d gotten inside,” he said, which increased Hajime’s laughter still. “…I think maybe I should be concerned that you find near-death experiences so funny.” 

Hajime just shook his head, still chuckling. After a few moments, Nagito joined him, letting out little huffs of laughter that were nothing like the manic cackles Hajime had heard previously. They stayed like that for a while, until Hajime finally managed to get a hold of himself and stood up. He wiped the water of his eyes and held out a hand to Nagito.

“Let’s go back,” he said. Nagito stared at his outstretched palm for several beats, before reaching out and taking it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully komahina making out dramatically in the rain made u forgive me for taking so long to update :D


End file.
